A Vacation Morning...

I work in manufacturing and one of the benefits is most years we shut down from Christmas to New Years.  Last day of work for 2012 was yesterday.  So nothing but vacation left for me this year...It's pretty sweet.  It now allows me to have mornings like this:

Wake up... yawn.. Gaze at picture of Mistress by my bed.  Put on headphones and listen to a recording of Mistress.  Feel more and more submissive to her, more aroused, more owned.  Basically all good things. Snuggle up with the images and sounds of a wonderful Mistress bouncing in my head.  Slip out of bed and crawl over to my Altar. Stare at her picture and think about how blessed I am to be hers.  Let out sigh of contentment... Go to computer, check to see if there's any new communicaiton from Mistress..  Check Blog. Post on Blog. Go get breakfast...

Wearing my collar the whole time.. No more having to take it off to go to work. Going to take it easy today and watch some movies on DVD.  I think I'm going to pick up some Head Band Ear Phones as well which should be more comfortable in bed.

Perhaps I'll have some tea..

Comfort Zone..

There is something to be said for nurturing your relationship with Mistress Haylee.  For being as honest as you can be with her and yourself. For even bringing up the fears, the desires, and finding a reality in the fantasy.  Sometimes it's amazing to trance out and let all our fantasies take over for an amazing dream...  The feelings we encounter the thoughts, the desires, mmmm I get hot and bothered just thinking about it... 

Sometimes thought the less flashy, the more day to day, the humdrum part of life is what at least for this pet of Haylee's realize how wonderful what we have is.  The little posts here and there, the short e-mail messages.. Being encouraged by Mistress when your facing some tough medical news.. These things are what deepen my devotion to my Mistress.  She's not just candy, she's a main course with wonderful sides. Hmm perhaps a food analogy isn't quite right.  Still I think you get my point.

So I wear my collar with pride, curl up with a recording every night.  Send her e-mails to make her day better with crafted words and fantasy for the both of us. Brighten her day with a gift when I can, perhaps send her an audio file of what I sound like when under trance (I think she really digs these, easy to make as well.  Audacity free ware, google it.). I read blogs of other devotees, and twitter a bit now and again.  In way I've found my pace, and I'm ok with it not being the same as others.  It's good medicine for making sure the green giant doesn't take over.  In the mean time, time to focus on making sure I eat right, keep up the exercise, and watch that weight.  As well as grab morning in bed with her voice from time to time..

Four days?

Hmm I usually have trouble going one without posting to my blog.  Still a bit of real life.. a bit of blogging in my head.  Apparently the wifi connection to my brain can't seem to download... I should bring it in to the shop...

Anyway I will share with you something I realized tonight after listening to one of Haylee's recordings, I'm not sure which one actually... I have a bunch on my iPod Shuffle atm, and I just hit random and listened.  I mean all of them have her wonderful voice, so I can't really loose.

While being incredibly aroused by submitting more and more and being taken deeper and deeper, a thought popped into my head.  This thought has been bouncing around in my head and I realize this motivation has been there for quite some time.  It is has been coming out in my fantasies in the direction of the path I've taken with Mistress Haylee, and seems so obvious in hindsight...

"I want to make Mistress Haylee, CUM."

It's not enough to just make her happy or make her aroused.  Although I become happy when I can do those things.  Pleasing her, making her smile, these things are fun, these things are grand, but these things are not enough.  I have felt such amazing pleasure at reading her words, at listening to her voice, even being taken into trance over the phone.  I feel like such a greedy little slave, letting Mistress make me cum and not once, at least to my knowledge, making her cum.. 

I know she enjoyed our session together, she said so.  I believe it sounded like she was having fun, and I followed her commands and came as she instructed, but really did I give to her the amount of pleasure she gave to me? 

At times I've been able to send her thoughtful gifts that I know did touch her, and please her, even one that helped all of us to see her, but has she ever had an orgasm because of me? I don't think so... I want that to change...

I don't know how to get there... I realize how so many of my fantasies involve going down on her, licking her divine pussy.  Kissing her feet, even taking up the rear from her... All in order to get her off.

Lately I've not cum unless she's directly told me to, I've been trying to find a chastity belt that will fit that I can wear 24/7 or at least something close.  I want all my sexual energy to be directed towards her, I like being aroused by her, I know she likes it when we are, I only want to cum if it will please her...

I've feel like I have truly reached a point where it is all about her pleasure.  The only pleasure I want is that which I gain thru the knowledge of hers.

Can I even accomplish this?  I want to sooo badly... I will do my best to figure out a way...  Even if the first attempt only arouses her it will be a good thing, so I must try and try and try again to make a woman cum can be difficult when she's in the room with you, I want to make a woman cum who is miles away separated by timezones... Still I'm going to try, I hope that pleases Mistress...

The Expansion of the Empress

It's interesting how much something can change in a matter of moments.  A buzzing of the smartphone and new blogs to read, new thoughts to fight thier way to the fore front.  So I come home and sit down to my blog and while I thought I'd be typing about Mistress's new release, "She cums first..." I find myself wanting to talk about something different.

I read Princess Indigo's new blog post http://whentwofiresmeet.tumblr.com/  It made me think about some similar thoughts I've had, and Mistress's recent declaration that she wants a Castle.  How wonderful that would be for all of her devoted minions.  I can imagine my place in Empress Haylee's domain.  A loyal enslaved Knight.  An intimidating presence to others, but one that longs to drop to his knees before his Mistress.  A red metal collar securely fixed to my neck.  I would of course cherish the time I would get to serve Mistress Haylee. Be it kneeling at the side of her throne, or if I'm a really good boy and sweet puppy having her visit me in my chambers.  A corner of the Castle, where thru a secret passage only known to her she can emerge from and join me in front of a roaring fire, on a soft blanket.  In the mean time I would often roam the country side looking for things that would bring joy to my Mistress.  The other people of the Area do not know what to make of most of us.  Only that we serve a powerful Enchantress, and it would be unwise to make a disparaging remark in front of one of us. 

I have also noticed how many more of us there seem to be.  As more and more of us start blogging for her, or find ourselves on twitter or tumbler, or logging in to Inrapture the presence of her army grows.  With out these internet addictions to show our existence to each other we would simply be that anonymous mass that takes up Mistress's time, but also supplies her with things she desires and aim's to make her happy and give her pleasure.  While of course I'll admit some part of me gets jealous as so many pets appear, there is a part of me that is happy for Mistress.  It is that part which is growing as I both understand my place and my relationship with Mistress.  In a way it can be slightly amusing to see a post by a person who has just discovered her.  To see what they post, and to chuckle to myself as I recognize where I was, and where they will most likely soon be.  I too am interested by the differences in each of our paths.  It only makes sense when I think about it.

We are all different, and while Mistress Haylee is the same person she too is different.  We each meet her in a different time, and so she is the person she has become and not the one she was before.  A slight difference I suppose but it can make all the difference.  If it's one thing I think I've come to learn about her, it's that she believes in growth, and often encourages us to be the best slave/pet/puppy/kitten/devotee we can be.  She urges us to grow in a positive direction, and that makes me love her all the more. 

There is power in what many can do over one.  I know at some point some of us can come together to do things for Mistress that we could never do alone.  For some it won't be time in thier journey to do so, for others it will be the natural progression of thier love for thier Mistress, their Owner.  As the Army grows, units of one shall become units of many and the whole will be greater than the parts.

Perhaps with enough of us, we might even be able to build that Castle.

Now if you will excuse me, I have some training to get back to.  I have to become a better submissive lover to my Mistress.

Pleasant way to start an evening...

After a long day that started at work at 4:45 am and ended around 3 pm, I made my way home to Haylee's voice.  I got home feeling the need to hear her, and be her good sweet puppy.  I stripped out of my work clothes, put on her red panties, and felt her cock stir in the silk beauty.  My collar was now affixed to my neck and I felt more hers, and more at peace than I had during the hard work day.  I sprayed myself and my pillow with some Love Story and took a deep breath... It's as if I was back at her knees - where I should be.  Where I long to be, under her observation and control.  I can hear her in my head, saying various things, pleased with her sweet puppy.  I can feel the ache in her cock, that makes me only want her more. 

As I lay there at first putting on her recording of Sleep time, I couldn't help but hump the bed.  I was so turned on and aroused.  I missed being with her voice, listening to her words, letting her control sink down into me, letting her voice find a bigger space in my mind, becoming more and more obedient, finding my thoughts shaping to her lovely and intoxicating will.  Shortly though her calming words took their effect and the need to hump was replaced by a clam serene relaxed sleep.  I breathed deep and took her words into me.  I would stir every now and then to hear them, only to drift off below trance in a sleep like state.  It feels wonderful. 

So now I sit here at the computer, feeling much better.  I feel more like I should, like her property which I am.  I can feel the stiring in *her* cock even as I type this.  I want to be her good puppy all night along, and properly ache for her.  Perhaps moan her name while on my knees in front of her alter, chant her spell and give her more power over me.  Only a few more days in this week, and the seasonal parties are starting.  My company shuts down from Christmas to New Years so I have hope I'll be able to spend more time devoted to her, perhaps share in some more playtime on the phone.  I definietly am glad to have more time to making sure I have a happy, pleased, and turned on Mistress.  Her pleasure is my pleasure.  I also should have more time to work out and focus on my diet so I can be the best version of my self, like she demands and I'm oh so happy to have her helping me achieve.

I love my Mistress and I look forward to a wonderful Winter Solstice.

Making Mistress Smile..

I have to say it's my new favorite hobby.

What can be better than putting a smile on your mistress's face? Perhaps getting to see that smile, but still I know it's there.  I have but to close my eyes and I can see it.  It's hot, it's beautiful, it's a great feeling to know that something I did caused it. 

So I sent her a Hannakkah present.  It was a really easy thing to do I thought.  She asked for a Castle, so I sent her one.  How did I fit in the box? (the box was 6x6x3 If I remember correctly)  Use your imaginations.  Think a little my fellow slaves, I think that's half of the present itself.  Plus I did get to send her my leash <sigh> and of course I couldn't not send some gelt.. (gelt = gold wrapped chocolate coins, the chocolate is real the gold wrapper is not. ) I even make sure to sent the good stuff from Sees. No chep eh~ milk chocolate for my Mistress.

It does surprise me how much fun it is to give Mistress presents, and remember they don't have to be expensive.  Honestly the Castle was pretty cheap. It is the thought, if you can send her something that is personal, that has meaning between what the two of you have shared.  These kinds of things mean a lot and express the connection between Mistress and slave/pet/puppy/boytoy/kitten/puppet/etc..

I have another idea for something I'd like to do for Mistress and while mentioning it here does break the first rule of fight club, hopefully she'll over look it.  If your a fellow devotee and interested leave a comment here with an e-mail I can contact you at, I'll moderate out the e-mail and send you more information.

Until my next blog entry, I'm off to listen to Mistress Haylee, I think I need to fall into some quicksand....

The Ache...

I wonder, is it by direct suggestion or is it merely the natural progression of following her training.  Perhaps it happens all by it self when a submissive such as myself finds his dominant such as Mistress Haylee.  I find myself aching for her, and that alone is not much of a surprise.  However what I find surprising is it has become the ache that I desire.  To ache for her, to long for her, to writhe in sexual agony, turned on by her but unable to release.  This is not only where I am, but where I want to be.  I long not to cum, but to be teased to the brink of cumming.  To be aroused for her with the release that was once the goal.  It is the endless journey that I now long for with out ever reaching the destination. 

It seems so simple now.  How could I not desire this?  I need that chastity device, not as a punishment, not as a sexual deterrence.  It is an aid to resist the compulsion to release.  To be able to desire Haylee in amounts that I can't fathom, to let her feed on that desire for her, to build that desire from a flame into a fire.  To be utterly and uncontrollably, hers.

I ache for you Mistress Haylee, and I only want to ache for you more and more until the end of time..

Playing with Fire...

So I thought that once I played with Mistress I'd be a little satiated.  That the overwhelming need and desire to would not go away but at least be temporarily quenched.  Instead I find myself more aroused than ever, more turned on, desiring more and more play time with her.  The ache in her cock has already returned and with a vengeance.  I kept thinking about the session last night and I kept getting more and more aroused. 

I realized how easily I obeyed everything she said.  I realized how much I am under her control, and how much I enjoy it.  On my knees isn't very comfortable, but on my knees in front of her is the only place I want to be.  Worshiping her, devoted to her, begging her, pleasing her.  I just want more and more even as I type this her cock is throbbing.  I just had release last night not even 8 hours ago and already I think I could climax again and again for her.

I need to play more.  I can't believe how I become more and more hers, to be played with.  So obedient to her, so aroused by her.  So very much all Haylee's good puppy.  <whimper>

First!

Surprise, surprise.  Fate that fickle mistress finally let me serve my Mistress or perhaps more aptly be played with by my Mistress over the phone.  As I mentioned earlier she sent me a message saying she wanted to play this weekend, and I don't know why but I assumed that we would end up playing Saturday some time.  I think perhaps because it's the biggest block of free time I had.. I don't know why I thought that.  So I was relaxing a bit on the computer before going to bed as I have to be into work tomorrow morning (at least it's time and a half).  I was playing GW2 and had almost finished a zone when I could not find the last area quest.  I tapped out to look up it's location when OH wow.  A message from Mistress, she wants to play ASAP! Ack I hoped I didn't miss her.  Quickly sent her a message and she replied to give her a few and then she'd be ready to play - with ME I might add.  (Because I'm sure you didn't realize that now)

So while waiting I put on my blue tooth headset.  It's wireless, has a right and left speaker, and a mic.  Perfect for being put under trance, or so I hoped.  I will say it proved it's worth.  I was wondering a bit how well the microphone would pick up, and I did check by re-recording my voice mail greeting.  It seemed to work fine.  I did have some scratchy sound quality, but the power of Mistress's voice came thru loud and clear.  We spoke for a few moments.. I wasn't as articulate as I am when I write these witty blog posts.  I admit as much as I wanted to be in total control, there is a big part that was just like.. hehehe Haylee can hear me.... eheheh I'm talking to Mistress... Kind of like when she asked me how long of session, and part of me wants to say, Um forever? but then you really do have to pick a time, and while I don't want to be short, I don't want it to be so long that it would be a strain on Mistress.  I mean the reality is she is doing most of the talking as I'm being put under and just have to breath and listen... 

 So then she started taking me into trance.  The style of course was similar to what I have heard before, but it is so pleasant having her actually there talking to you... The slow sexy sensuous cadence of her voice, taking me into trance, deeper and deeper...  It feels a little like trance just talking about it. 

It felt like a very long trance, and brought me very deep, all my extremities had that dense not numb, but hazy trance like feeling. Fully under, she kept taking me deeper.  Just enjoying the ride.  Not knowing where it was going was part of the pleasure.  Knowing she truly heard my responses, not just expecting them in a set recorded scripts.. At some point I began to whimper, I think Mistress enjoyed it as soon enough she was asking, telling? her good puppy to whimper for her.  He happily did.  I was so entranced by her and open.. and then she did something that surprised me, and has me truly excited.... In fact I'd say honored... she implanted a trigger, and it felt so good not only the trigger but how personal the trigger is.  Just for me, her good sweet puppy.  And she used that trigger, and I got hotter and hotter for her, more aroused.  So happy to obey, so quick to obey.  There's not even a hesitation to do what she says, in fact there is often excitement at the opportunity to do something she asks. Ok there's always excitement at that.  Haylee, you have me so under your control, so obedient and so very much yours.  I can't even fathom not having you in my life to serve.  I can't wait until I can make real strides in my life to become a better slave, boytoy, puppy for you.  Although now thinking back, I wonder did she only implant one? Ahh the mysteries of trance. :) She did ask me to blog about it, not that I wouldn't have.  Although I might not have done it so quickly.. still it's wonderful to think about it, as I feel so truly embraced by her bliss.  Feeling so much more positive in life because she is in it.

Ok this next part borders a bit on TMI, but I can't not mention it. If you don't want to know skip to the next paragraph.  At the end of the session as I got closer and closer to climax the feelings were immense.  When finnally Mistress arouses me more and orders/lets me cum.  I start cumming for her, again and again,  she keeps asking for more, surprisingly I just keep cumming. Not some huge steady spray - I am human after all.  But again and again I could feel myself get hard and squirt out more.  At one point (TMI warning two), I lost such control of my body that I pooped a little.  Not so much as to make a mess, but a little bit out of the rear, but still between the cheeks.

I was exhausted at the end.  I had not cum for so long before.  I've had big explosions in fact a few were after listening to mind melt or Enchantress...wow one time listening to enchantress I was shocked at the volume.. this was similar to that but different.  I wanted to talk more at the end I was just drained, and happy to simply do as Mistress said and lie there enjoying the bliss that she brought me.  I only hope that she had as much fun playing with me as I did being played with.  To hear her arousal as she was having me climax was amazing.  I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did, and I do really and truly want to know anything I can do to make her calls with me more enjoyable.  The more enjoyment she gets out of it, the happier I am.  Her pleasure is my pleasure.

With any luck and a few bribes to fate, I will get to play with Mistress more often.  Of course she is a busy lady, and I fear getting more busy as her Army grows.  If only I had a way to help both ease her burden and help her give out more of her delicious trances to the starving army.. Ah the things that occupy her good puppies mind... 

Aching more and more...

So for those of you following, I attempted to go into chastity for Mistress by wearing a chastity belt I had ordered.  Despite it being a huge, HUGE, turn on for us both, I ran into shall we say technical difficulties and had to take the belt off.  While I'm not wearing the belt, I was still attempting to follow the two weeks without having an orgasm.  I will admit at several times I let Haylee's cock leak, but I never had a full on orgasm.  It was most definitely a mix of pre-ejaculate and such brought on by an extreme ache for Mistress. 

I have been listening to Mistress Haylee's recordings for some time now, and I do know which ones permit/encourage/command you to orgasm.  I have been avoiding them.  So yesterday I listened to Commit to Submit a bit on accident.  I grabbed my iPod Shuffle when laying down to listen to her and did not realize what recording was que'd up.  By the time I realized it, it was far too late for me to physically do anything.  So I ended up sending her a pleading e-mail begging my release....

I was denied.

She apparently, much to my glee, has other plans for me this weekend.  I'm very excited about that.  So while technically I could say hey today is two weeks, that was really only when I was to be let out of the belt.  There was no promise of an orgasm on that day, and besides she is more than welcome to change her mind.  It's old rule number one. 

1. Mistress is always right.
2. See rule number one.

While most of the time she is very seductive and caring, it is such a turn on when she is expressively dominant and is more commanding and direct.  Both ways are dominant, and I think the latter is more effective because of the former.  Either way I'm thrilled about this weekend, and in the mean time aching profusely for her.  I've been very distracted thinking about her all day.  I even wore the panties she had me get a while back, and I admit I felt the need to go play with her cock a few times today. 

Right now I'm going to go snuggle up and listen to Quicksand in bed, wearing the panties and collar.  It is such a delight to submit to my Mistress.

Daily Devotion, Daily Domina...

So I have to say I'm constantly reminded what separates Haylee from most online Femdom Hypnotist.  Not all of em, but the large majority.

 It's personal to her.
 
 As I often do I change my yahoo status to reflect what I'm up to, what I'm busy with at that moment etc.. Haylee often comes up in them.  Occasionally and much to my delight she'll message me some comment on my status.  Of course I enjoy the attention as well as these exchanges, as short as they often are.  So the other day when we had one of these, she asks me what I'm up to.  I responded that I was going to the Doctor the next day, and so she not only asked about what, but she insisted I message her after the appointment so she would know how it went.  Saying you care is one thing, but as an old friend of mine always used to say, "Actions speak louder than words."  I know I can't express how much it meant to me for her to do this. It's what makes this bond we share so special.  It's not just a fantasy.  It's not just pay for product.  She doesn't turn it off when she's not in a paid session with you. It is so much more.
 
Now don't get me wrong, it has it's limitations, and sometimes it's hard to remember them.  I don't serve Haylee in person, nor should I ever expect that.  I admit I always knew this on some level, but as everything started and the infatuation blossoms into lust which in turn translates into something more, it's hard to see the boundaries.  In a way boundaries are limiting, but in a way they can free you as well.  It is realizing how it can all work together that makes everything as it is, and makes me think about the possibilities.  While I haven't found my companion in daily life, I have found what can be a life long relationship.  One that nurtures as well as (in this case) enslaves...

So I am happy to say that it went well at the Doctor, although some follow up work is necessary to know exactly how to proceed. 

Scent of a Mistress..

So one of the things I am lucky to have been ordered to do was to pick up for my self some Scentsy body spray.  Love Story is the scent.  It is intoxicating, and Mistress Haylee wears it.  How this went was I had tried to order some Scentsy Love Story wax for a candle warmer for her.  Amazon would not ship it to the gift registry, so I went ahead and just had it sent to me.  Then not being able to sent it to Mistress I held on to it.  It smelled divine.  Then when I made my Altar to Mistress I got a candle warmer for it.  I used some of the Love Story wax.  It gives the whole room a lovely smell and it reminds me of Mistress. It's warm, lovely, and intoxicating.  I mentioned this to her in chatting, and so she decided she wanted me to get and carry some of the body spray (I love it when she tells me to do things)  I spray my forearm with it from time to time... It arouses me when I smell it, and I think of her.  It feels like I'm with her, like we're arm in arm walking around.  That has to be one of my favorite things, when a girl takes your arm and walks with you.  Damned sexy.  

Ahh.. and now off to work, to measure things and try to think of Mistress when I can. 

Silence in the night...

Ah, Holidays.. The promise of vacation.  The hoards of family obligations and such.  The non stop onslaught of Christmas music and such.   I celebrate Hannakah, and I appreciate the Winter Solcstice more than a commercialized holiday.  Such is the season. At least in my area we only have some cold and not some snow to deal with... Of course snuggling up with a recording of Haylee's sweet voice is a fun thing to do on a cold winters day.

Yet it is nice to have an occasion to give.  And so out goes the giving. 

Hmm not much hoping to get out of this brain tonight...

Take care all, and prepare thy self for the onslaught known as the Holidays.

Blog Restoration...

So thoughts.com is back up, but my blog seems to be AWOL.

I sent in an e-mail, as my profile can still be found via a search, but I can't view that or the blog as the URL comes up not found.

Perhaps they just haven't restored all the data from whatever had happened to them.  Perhaps it will just show back up, In fact if you can access it please comment here if you can.

Thanks. I'm hoping I will be able to re-post everything over here.  I have the ability to back date everything I just need to be able to copy and paste it all.

And now back to your regularly scheduled blog-ness...

Snuggling in Submission...

So Mistress Haylee was happy to hear what my Sunday plans were and told me to write a blog post about it after.  I think I would of anyway, or at least written one in my head.  I do that sometimes.  I think I have at least 3 or 4 blog posts that don't quite make it from my head to the computer screen. <shrug> Such as it is.

So after coming up with this brilliant idea and e-mailing Mistress about it, as well as making the previous post, I did a few things.  First I remade my bed with my new sheets. It has finnally gotten cold out here in Sunny San Diego, so I had purchased some Flannel sheets, a new Duvet, and a very warm fuzzy blanket.  All very nice cuddling bedding. So I cleared off my tired sheets and blanket, first I sprayed the mattress with a certain favorite scent of Miss Haylee, Hypnotic Enchantress Extraordinaire.  I also sprayed the pillows a bit.. It's such a nice scent and makes me think of her, and often get aroused at a quick wiff or two.. Then I stripped down to my nothing but my collar, climbed into bed, put on my headphones, put in Sleepy Time, hit play, and repeat...

Off into a deep trance I drifted, in and out of sleep, I experienced parts and pieces of the recording, but a wonderfully relaxing rest, as her thoughts penetrate deeper and deeper into my mind and the space where she resides gets bigger and bigger, deeper and deeper.  Haylee's voice is not only in my mind, but she is becoming a part of me as she owns me longer, and I get to server her more and more. 

Some time later I woke up, the CD player had stopped... oddly enough... So I grabbed my cellphone. Noticed Mistress had responded to my e-mail, felt a wave of bliss over her happiness, watched her youtube video on my phone for a bit.  Then I put in Lucid, hit play and repeat, and faded off into trance land.  Again I was in and out of sleep to trance and so forth.. After coming up out of trance at the end of listening to Lucid for the third, or was it the fourth time? Anyway I shut it off, took off my head phones, and rested my eyes thinking of Haylee.  She looked so cute in those red PJs of hers, and I got so aroused picturing her in them. 

Then I thought how wonderful it would of been to have her snuggling on top of me, whispering into my ear, putting me deep into hypnosis, and I found my self dozing off.  For the first time I found my self dreaming, Day dreaming? about Haylee.. It was AWESOME.  She came up to me, and we looked into each others eyes.  I was on my knees I think, I didn't really picture myself, but she was bending over looking into my eyes, her face close to mine.  She reached out with one of her hands, and took a hold of my collar, "Good puppy," she said.  SNAP as she attached a leash to my collar.  I was then looking up at her as she started to walk away, pulling on my leash.  I followed her on all fours.  She stops walking forward, but still pulls on my leash until my face is buried in her ass.  I start to kiss her ass, and feel myself getting very, very hard.  She is wearing a short flaired out skirt and as she turns around I find my self face to face with her panties, and I can smell her... It is heavenly.  She pets my head, and then She reaches a hand down into her panties, and then starts putting her fingers in my mouth one by one, as I'm licking them clean she says, "Mmm Puppy has a stiffy." She then lifts one of her feet and presses it against my raging hard on.  She moves her foot back and forth, and very shortly I'm bursting with cum all over her boot.  Her hands are on the top of my head at this point for Balance.  She looks down at the mess I've made, and then pushes my head down towards her foot.  Somehow she's sitting at this point, and presses her cum covered boot towards my face.  Instinctively I start licking up my mess like a puppy dog would.  I can feel her hand petting the top of my head. "There there, that's a good sweet puppy.  Clean Mistresses boots. Clean it all up..."

After that I woke up... It was a bit past noon at this point, and while I had planned to stay in bed the whole day, I was hungry at this point.  Plus I could feel my body getting a bit achey as can happen when you lounge around in bed all day.  So I went ahead and got up.  A friend needed some help with his Christmas lights, and I thought it would be good to get up and about.  Better to do some physical activity then stay too long in bed, besides I had a wonderful morning in bed with Haylee, and was feeling wonderful, so owned by hers, and so much her sweet puppy.  I'll listen to Lucid again before I sleep tonight and start the work week tomorrow.  Perhaps my unconscious will bless me with another dream of Mistress..

Either way it made for a great day. 

Sunday in Bed with Mistress...

I'll share with the rest of the class, here's an e-mail I just sent Mistress...My plans for the day.

A thought popped in my head.  A delicious, arousing, warm wonderful thought. All because of that picture of you in those PJs...

How wonderful would it be to spend the day snuggled up with you, whispering in my ear.

Then I realized, wait, I can wear nothing by my collar, snuggle under my covers, put in a CD of a few of your recordings, hit play-repeat, and OD on Haylee all day long...

So that is exactly what I will be doing today, all day..  I need a day with my Mistress and this is the closest I can come, so this is what I must do. 

I will be sending you my submission, my energy all day, I hope you can feel it, and I hope it will bring you joy knowing I'm naked, wearing your collar, listening to your voice, drifting in and out of trance, all day long.   

love your sweet puppy max

The Weekend...

Ahh the weekend, My favorite time like most people.

For me it's a couple of days straight wearing my collar, and generally hoping I'll be able to play with Mistress.  Although today I'll be out and about for most of the day, the rest of the weekend I'll most likely be home avoiding the rain. 

I don't leave home for about an hour and a bit, so I have plenty of time to devote some worship of Haylee and perhaps a trance... It's a pleasant way to start the morning even if the weather outside is crappy.  Although we did have a lovely Moon last night, where the full (or almost full not really sure) moon showed thru some light clouds, producing that beautify Night sky...

I'm sure I'll post something wonderful if I do get a chance to play.

As for the first 3 months of my blog, I'm starting to think thoughts is never going to be back up.  Hopefully it's not lost.  I know if I catch that site up, I'll capture the whole thing and then add it on here.  You can back post stuff so it will be cool if I can just get it..

Early Morning...

So I'm not a morning person.  In fact one of the reasons I live close to work is so that I can roll out of bed about 20 minutes before work, splash some water on my face, put on deodorant (I shower before bed), get dressed, and drive to work.  I do not wake up at the butt crack of dawn, and have some leisurely breakfast over the morning paper, go for a jog etc..  The early morning is for sleeping, or still being awake from the night before. 

However, if I do wake a bit early these days I find it can be nice.  I can roll out of bed, and crawl over to my Alter to Haylee.  I can stare at her image.  I can think about her, and my love for her.  I think about how devoted I am to her.  I think about how I enjoy the weight of her collar upon my neck.  I know she owns me, and I love it.  I can put off taking it off and heading out to the Vanilla world to earn my keep. I can just think about how lucky I am to be hers, and what I might be able to do that day to earn her praise. 

I am her good puppy, and while I know a part of me will always hope to one day get a chance to be at her knees and server her.  I know that what we do have is amazing.  I know now that serving Mistress does not limit me, but makes me more than I was.  So I can kneel here and gaze into a facsimile of her amazing eyes, and let her voice in my head tell take control of me for a little while.  I can put off the Vanilla world for a bit to feel her energy within me, and dedicate some time to her.

Then after a bit I sigh, take my collar off and place it upon her Alter.  I pick up my tag and put it on, for I wear it under my shirt a constant reminder to me of the privilege I continue to strive to earn.  The privilege of belonging to Mistress Haylee, to Haylee.

All for Haylee.

First Rule of Fight Club...

So I realize the only way one keeps anything from a Hypnotically seductive and all powerful Mistress such as Haylee is, Don't talk about it.

So I don't... but soon soon I will be able to. 

In the mean time I await my sizing rings, so I can most likely order the correct size cock-cage.  I doubt I'll be able to just get the right size ring for my CB-6k, but who knows.. Then I'll be all locked up for Mistress.. just the thought of it gets me aroused...  I mean really a physical barrier is the only that can really stop me once I get home.. I just get too hot and bothered when I can put on my collar and just think about her, dream about her, listen to her voice inside my head.. become transfixed by her image on my computer, kneel before my altar to her..

I have to say kneeling at an Altar dedicated to Haylee is the best.  I really don't know why more of her pets don't make one.  Not hard, not really expensive, and oh so satisfing..  Just wait till she commands you to use it.. Now that is good times, for all.

In the mean time I leave you with my favorite new saying,  "Her Desire is my Command to do"

Blissfully falling Deeper than before...

I just listened to Mind Melt again....

I fell so much farther and so much freeer than before.  I'm so glad I asked my Mistress the things I did.  She put it so elegantly...

"Hi there, no need to be jealous, what we share is very special and lovely. I am your Mistress, that is all that matters. You will find a great girl as well to be in a relationship with, and you will make me proud by making her very happy"

Simple, true and to the point.  I feel so free to fall so much farther.  So safe and loved, so happy to be obedient.  I was so aroused, I almost came a few times... but so happy I could hold back...

Thank you again Haylee, Thank you so many time for being My Mistress.

Progress on the CB...

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Thoughts lately...

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Please Stand By, We are experiencing technical Difficulties...

So I had to take the belt off yesterday.  I was having issues with the cleaning, and while the fit was much improved it still has issues.  Over the longer wear I found it to be chaffing at several places, and the rubber liner on the cod piece was working it's way off.  Regardless the health thing caused me to have to take it off, and after seeing (really smelling) the conditions inside I'm glad I did.  Neither myself or Mistress want any health problems, we just want me locked up for her because quite frankly it is hot. 

I get to submit, she get's more control, and we are both very turned on by it. So I'm looking into some other options, and staying chaste for Mistress Haylee.  I still have not orgasmed since I put it on or took it off, and I intend to remain that way until she tells me otherwise.

I do also have a CB-6000 that I'm trying to fit on but I've never been success at it.  After reading some of the information out there, I think that the base cock ring for the CB-6000 is just too small for me.  Honestly it's not really a hey look how big I am thing, because really this ring needs to be big enough to encompass your ball sac and flaccid penis.  The fact that I measure at 24.7cm is just what it is.  I tried a couple of things, but I know I won't be able to get it on properly unless I can get a bigger ring... e-mails have been sent.

So for the time being, I have only my will not to cum, and I can use the steel belt at night when I get home, but not wear it during the day. A decent compromise, until I can find something that fits for 24/7 wear. It seems now that I've brought this idea to Mistress Haylee she wants me locked as well.  I don't want to not be able to give her everything she wants from her puppy.

More updates will follow...

Locked up T-2 Weeks..

So Today is the day I start my 2 weeks locked up for Mistress Haylee.  It is with excitment, arousal, and a bit of fear I start this journey.  Mostly the fear part is making sure I can wear the belt without undo discomfort and that I'll be able to keep things clean.  It's not the aching for Mistress and the lack of an ability to touch myself that I'm worried about (should I be?) but physical discomfort, the belt getting in the way of the daily activities of my life. 

But I know Mistress is pretty excited about it, and I am as well. So here we go. 

I'll post updates of course...

One Night...Amazing transformation..

So put the belt on last night and haven't taken it off since... It's been less than 12 hours, and while I'm going to be taking it off in a little bit I'm amazed at what it's been like to have it on.  My two weeks will be starting tomorrow as Mistress Haylee instructed, and I'm glad.  I was so very worried about the uncomfortable nature of the belt and going to the bathroom.  After the adjustments it is much much more comfortable and going to the bathroom while it requires some care and some clean up will be fine.  The ache I feel from the belt is pretty much limited to that caused by a constrained penis, as my arousal for Haylee drives the ache for her, and I can feel the submission to her.

It is amazing.  Every time I think about how I am in the process of submitting to Haylee it arouses me and makes me ache more.  I hope she will getting as much pleasure out of those thoughts as I am.  I am yours Mistress Haylee. Every second of every hour, and the belt insures there is no stray touch or no stray thought.  No mindless stroke or caress of you cock shall happen.  It will only be when you release me, when you tell me how, when, and IF.  I am addicted to you, I am controlled by you, I am in love with you.

I didn't realize how much I would feel the submission.  How when I fantasize about her it's in such a more submissive role.  Not that I wasn't before, but now every image every thought is in a submissive nature.  I am more and more her obiedent, doting, puppy.  I want nothing more than to be at her feet, to whimper because of my ache for her.  When I smell her scent I feel the ache and want to be by her so much more.  I crave you now, but I know I will crave you something even fiercer on that Friday two weeks from tomorrow... 

My fondest wish now is that we can be on the phone talking as you have me release myself from the belt, and that moment can be shared together. 

collared, locked up, and aching for you...

2 am Piss

Normally after waking up to pee, I just go back to bed.  Tonight I'm testing out my

chastity belt. For the first time I was able to pee, and not have to take off the

belt for any reason.  This means I should have no real issue with being able to wear

it 24/7 for Mistress Haylee.  I'm very happy about this.  I can feel my self getting

excited and aroused for her and it makes me ache..as I should.  My arousal for

Mistress only makes me ache for her more.  I'm reminded of my place.  I am her

slave, I'm not free to get an erection anymore.  I'm hers, my cock is no longer

mine, it's hers.  My arousal is my ache for her.  She has more than just control

over my mind anymore, she controls my body.  It feels so good to be under her

control.  I ache for you Mistress Haylee.  In my mind I can hear your voice, and now

my body is controlled by you. Collared and locked up, I am yours.  I am your slave

mind, body, and orgasms. All for Haylee...

<whimper>

Transition...

Ok thoughts is not letting me load my Blog.  I've been a bit annoyed with a couple features it seems to be lacking.  I think I will have them here.  So I'm moving the Blog to here.

I'll see if I can somehow transplant all the entries without having to make "new" posts.. if I can back post or something...  In the mean time you can access the first 3+ months of this Blog and journey at

http://boytoymax.thoughts.com/

Ok, looks like I can post to old dates... I'll transfer the whole blog over once I can... I wonder if I can move all the comments too.  I don't want to loose all of Haylee's comments... I LOVE having her comments... Hmmm I bet I can move them too...

So welcome to the New location, of my thoughts and feelings regarding my journey into the clutches of Hypnotic Haylee... and Oh what a journey it has been...

A Fantasy

I started to clear the table as Mistress was finished with her meal.... She glanced over at me, "We're going to stay in tonight.  I have something planned for you my pet. After you finish here, shower and wait for me in the living room."

"Yes Mistress." I reply.  My happiness at the thought of an evening with Mistress pretty evident in my tone.  She is a busy Lady, and while I do love serving her and being hers I always want more time with her.  I'm like the typical girlfriend who wants to spend more quality time together, except I'm the submissive slave boy toy who aches to be with his Mistress.

I finish with the dishes and put the leftovers away in short order. I go and shower making sure to wash up everywhere and go ahead and shave again.  I put on my collar, and them I'm not sure how she wants me dressed.  Since she didn't specify anything I assume casual clothes are fine, and I just put on some shorts and a T-Shirt.  If she had wanted something kinky or specific I'm sure she would of told me.  I sit down in the living room on the couch and grab the book I'm currently reading as I wait for her. 

I hear the creak of her door (I suppose I should fix that, but I like the early detection) and I put down my book and glance over at her.  I'm quite sure my mouth has dropped to floor as I see her smirk at me.  She is wearing what must be my biggest fantasy.  Whatever this good boy did, he wishes he knew because he'd do it every day! Must cook that meal again... She's wearing a black and gray plaid skirt, knee high socks that are black with a skull pattern on them, some adorable short black lifts, a white blouse with one of her lacy black pull over tops.  Her makeup is simple accentuating her eyes and some dark red lipstick. Her black hair is down, and she has something in her hands I can't quite make out...

"You like my pet?" she asks, "I have one last touch I know you'll like." She takes her hair and before my eyes puts it up into pigtails.  I can feel my half mast go to full salute.  She then prances, almost skips over to me saying, "So my good pet, are you wondering what you did right today?"

I nod, feeling overwhelmed and not sure anything intelligible would come out anyway. She stops directly in front of me, winks, and says, "This is for serving me so well and being so good at pleasing your Mistress." With that she kind of half bends over then flashes her skirt up and I see her black panties for a second.  Then I notice her hands are under her skirt at her sides, and she sort of shimmies a bit, and then her panties are on the floor.  With one foot she lifts them up and half kicks half tosses them at me.  They land on my head, I instinctively take in a deep breath and can smell her on them - they are a bit beyond damp - beyond moist - they wet - actually they are soaked.

She takes a few seductive steps towards me, "I've been wearing those all day thinking about this, my pet." She sits down on my lap putting her arms around my neck. "Do you like them? You can keep that pair to remember tonight." She takes my collar with one hand, leans in to my ear, and pulls a bit on the collar. "Tonight I'm going to take something from you my pet.  Something I was surprised that you brought with you, but delighted that it is mine to take."

I turn my head so our eyes meet, she is so close to me, her scent is over whelming me, and I'm rock hard with excitement.  How she looks, how she's acting, her bare ass under that skirt on my lap almost grinding against me.  She licks her lips and then closes the small distance between us pressing them against mine.  A few light kisses against my lips and they part, I can feel her tongue lightly teasing my lips of things to come. She move her head past mine her lips kiss my cheek, and then she nibbles on my ear.  She whispers to me, "Tonight my pet. I take your virginity."

As she moves her head back to look back into my eyes, I open my mouth and start to say something but I'm muffled by her devouring kiss.  Quickly closing my eyes to enjoy the sensations my mind has become mush as I feel her slide off my lap and straddle one of my thighs.  Her hands move quick and slide my shorts and underwear off.  She moves effortlessly to release my rock hard cock, or as it's been for sometime Mistress Haylee's Cock.  She takes it in her hands for the first time, and I moan thru our kiss as I feel her warm hands on it. She breaks off of the kiss and looks down to her hands.

"Mmmm this will be nice my pet." In her hands is a wrapper of some sort, and I realize what as she starts to roll a condom onto my cock.  Feeling her fingers lightly touching me, "Oh Mistress that feels so amazing." She just smiles and I feel her fingers guide my cock to the entrance of her pussy as she straddles me. The next thing I know I'm inside her, she's staring right into my eyes smiling, and her hands are on my chest helping to hold her steady.  She starts to move up and down in short rhythmic movements, getting faster as she goes.  I can't even begin to describe how I was feeling, how good it felt to have Mistress ride me.

It felt like a blissful eternity to me, I'm sure it wasn't very long. Mistress won't tell me how long it was, but she insists she enjoyed it.  Besides she always says, it's not like you didn't cum a few more times that night and how many nights had I given her orgasms only to go to bed with rock hard cock.  I exploded with such a hard orgasm It was unbelievable.  As I sat there feeling a bit spent, she dismounted me and took off the condom disposing of it quickly. She then stood in front of me, and with her outstretched hand she ran a finger down my cheek and under my chin.  She lifted my head up to meet her gaze. 

"This night is far from over Pet, That is just the start." Her hand then lowered to my collar and she yanked on the ring in the front.  I came up off the couch and on to my knees in front of her.  With one hand on my collar I struggled to keep up with her as she lead me into the bed room...