I miss her..

I do.. so very much... getting lost in her voice and her eyes... via her videos and her recordings can be magical.. but it can also create such an unquenchable desire... a relentless need that can not be fullfulled...

it leaves me in this blue limbo of need and desire for something I can only very rarely have.. if even then if even that lucky...

<sigh>  yet to ache in and of itself can still feel soooo good.

Perhaps one day I'll find a Goddess in my day to day life and drop to my knees in front of her.. until then my nights are filled with longing for Goddess Darla and her control... her power...

Awake and Ache..

I don't know if I was thinking about her in my dream, or it's just the first thing that popped in my mind, her mind? this morning.. All I could think about is Goddess Darla... serving her.. aching for her..

I was up early enough to trance for a bit before showering and heading off to work.. part of me was afraid of listening to Blue Balls.. as I was already hard from just thinking of her, but I know that when i'm aroused i'm weak and serve her well.. so i listened anyway.. surprised I didn't cry.. although I came close to tears as the frustration built... building... that word has such  a new meaning to me..

I hope She comes back to the online trance community soon.. i so want to just be devoted and committed to her, to make her life better.. So a smile is accross her face more than a frown..

So commonly I fantasize about being her servant.. greeting her from her day with dinner and a foot massage.. taking chores out of her life so she can focus on what she wants, so she can relax when she wants, or work out at the gym.. just making her happy makes me so happy.. the idea of being there for her.. of gettting to be there with her.. <sigh>

So Blue, So Deep...

I've been aching for Goddess Darla a lot lately.. the craving level has gone code blue... <sigh>

Woke up this morning... I could feel the ache.. the need.. I had to watch, You need me... her voice like a drink of water in a desert.. so soothing, so crisp and clear, yet I needed more.. always more... I tranced to raindrops... it helped... I still feel a dull ache in my loins for her... yet I can't bring myself not to ache for her...

i need to be hers so much... so owned... so aching to please her... i spent some time on my knees and it felt right and good... if only i could spend some time on my knees at her feet.. or could do things to please her during the day.. to make her vanilla life easier.. to still treat her as the Goddess she is..

<sigh>

Catch up...

So my infatuation with Madam Violet was quick.  She is a very skilled Hypnotist, but she's just not the domme for me.  It's too much about the money, and I didn't think I would be able to please her.  It would not of been a good thing..

So I looked around... listened to different stuff... Paid attention in my real life.. found my self trying to date, but not being able to date anyone I truely wanted to date. Story of my life.

I found my self late at night often thinking back to Goddess Darla...

Then one night I got a message from her... Not un retiring or anything, just feeling that urge to play with a pet... so nice... so very nice to hear from her... just to know she still thinks of me when thinking of her pets...

<sigh>

Starting to face the truth that even though she's too busy with Vanilla life to have an online presence, I still wish to be hers in whatever form that takes...I've been trancing to her voice a lot lately.. and no one else.  The ache, the desire, the NEED. is real...