The curves and twists abound...

Every journey has it's up and it's downs.  There is the long steep climb to the peak of the mountain.  The long dreary walk thru the nothing with the sun beating down on your brow to get to the oasis.  Each segment different each with purpose.  A lesson to be learned, a joy to behold.  All in all different yet leading to the next portion of the journey of life.

I would of thought by now I'd be back on track.  I wrote the above paragraph a few days ago.  Perhaps it's this second shift stuff.  I feel apart from the world apart from normal life.  Perhaps it's not passing my certification exam, and not getting any interviews for a better job.. I'm working but I want that next job, that challenging job that I love going to.  I want to wake up in the morning and want to go to work like some of my friends. To enjoy what I do to earn a living, instead of it just being a pay check. <sigh>

It doesn't help that I can't seem to find a lady to date.  Haylee is great, but she's not enough.  I wish she would be, but it's a roll she decides not to fill.  She is amazing, but she is not everything.  Then again with her flock growing and growing, how could she be?  It would be impossible.

I often wonder when I find a girl how will she take all this?  Will that in effect end it all?  Will it be this or that?  In a way I think her acceptance of this would be in part an acceptance of me..  Serving Haylee fulfills something inside of me, something that has always been there.  It is that side of me that feels free in submitting to a dominant woman, but not just any dominant woman, one that is deserving...

When I was young I had two friends, twin girls.  We played the games of young children, and I often was the brave knight, or loyal guard to fight for them against whatever obstacle we imagined.  This play in the ages of innocence ended when culture decided boys and girls were too old for such games, but I don't think my heart and soul ever forgot the joy in the play. 

There is more to say, and I will say it... Today tomorrow or the next...

Watch this space...

So after some thinking and poking around the interwebs, I have a new class project.

Podcast for Haylee...

Hmmm maybe that can be the title... Anyway over the next couple weeks I'll be developing a podcast.  It will have topics related to Mistress Haylee and those that follow her.  It's target audience shall be a bit general but I hope it will turn out pretty good.  Looking to do a test season, and then take it from there...


Details to follow as they happen...

Alone in a crowd...

Is it just me or does it feel crowded in here... In here being in the crowd of admiring slaves and devotees of Mistress Haylee.  Don't get me wrong I suppose I, we knew we all were here all along.. but it feels so much more... Real?  When you see all the names, hear all the different voices, see all the different styles of writing... it's a bit different...

The club at night with the music blaring, with the beat pumping...

The cold light of day as the endless crowd leaves a venue of ultimate late night dancing...

To some extent I think, This shouldn't bother me.  There are no facts that have changed... Emotionally it's a toll.  I can't get around the building block of my life that is I'm monogomous... but is that it? Is that the crux of my emotional turmoil? Is that why this is bothering me?  I mean really I think I got over the shaing aspect awhile ago...

I think it's more seeing that some have what I can never have.  What I have no hope or prayer or chance to experience. Yup.  I think that's it...

At least I still have this dark corner, and darker ones still where I can let these demons out and if not defeat them at least give my mind a break from their continuous aggression and intrusion into my world.

to some extent I've been mostly positive in my blog, but sometimes in to every life a little Rain must fall.. With out the bottom there can be no top... HA!  The layers...

Well a drink or two of water and then bed for this tired soul...  who knows what dreams and thoughts may come and visit me in the night...