Back to the Blog..

Oh my blog how I have neglected thee.. It's been a hard summer.

Goddess Darla went away.. She had an internship where she would have little free time and next to no privacy and so she decided to take a break from her Hypnodomme life.  It was the responsible thing to do. 

I thought that perhaps this would be the end of my obsession, that without the continual exposure to her I would drift into other things.. perhaps..I admit I even changed my desktop to something else at least for a bit, until.. the need the desire for her would keep creeping back into my mind.. I would go days without thinking of her and then be overwhelmed with need, with want, with desire, ache.. Sometimes needing to spend time on my knees looking up at her picture...

I would e-mail her about things.. about desires occasionally.. I knew she was busy yet if even felt good sending messages I knew would go unanswered.. it didn't matter. I knew she heard me..

Towards the end of her internship she even messaged me once on facebook.. Happy to text with me.. it felt amazing for even the short bit of communication feels so wonderful.. I admit i'm a whore for attention from Mistress.. Goddess.. both words feel as right...

i've finnally come to the conclusion.. no the realization i'll be her pet for until she commands me to leave or forever which ever comes first. it feels so good to know.. to really know and believe this.

She's been busy since the end of her internship.. school taking up her time.. she keeps teasing her pets that soon she'll be back...

Perhaps when?  i dont' know.. it doesn't matter.. i'll be waiting.. i'll be conditioning and trancing often until then.. aching for my Mistress... I can't even remember the last time i let go into an orgasm.. sure i've ejaculated.. but everytime it's something i fight, pretty much ruin.. more of a discharge than anything.. She hasnt' given me permission.. at the same time i know the body has needs.. although i would prefer to be locked up for her.. toyed with, ache for her.. earning a release in her honor, for her, that it self brings me deeper into her control, weaker for her...

to be at her feet... <sigh>

Things are caught up.. I plan to blog more regularly.. more in hopes that Goddess reads this and has mercy on me.. to play with my mind... grant me a session to drive her pet deeper into trance, allow me a chance to please her, to cause her to smile, to grin. to amuse her. i should simply hope for her return to the community, but all i think about is a return to me servicing, amusing, worshiping, her.

Her Eyes...

Fresh tears roll down my cheeks.. so weakened by my Goddess.. her eyes, her soft whispered words.. commands echoing in my brain. Obedience is hard wired now, the rules she gives me are automatic.  I strain to obey.  The feeling of her dark pupils upon me drawing me in deep so fast, so quick, so effortlessly.  The conditioning allows me to fade into her control so quickly to feel the haze of trance upon me to aid in following her commands even if my body naturally wishes not to. The blue haze of feeling drained by her.. weak in her presence, her words drawing power from me to her, my ache and need and desire grows.. the tears roll down my cheeks as my body fights to obey, pushed to limits it must continue until with one word... She is gone. My eyes rest. There no longer yet imprinted upon my brain. I see her thought she is not there. I see her when I close eyes. I need to hear more. I need to see more. I need to be weaker before her. So entranced, so owned, so happy.

Deep unto the blue...

So I realized I hadn't posted much recently.  I've been busy.  Between work, Goddess Darla, airsoft, exercise, cooking at home a lot (and shopping for that raw food), and chores.. well I haven't had much time for the blog.  Still I won't be abandoning it anytime soon.

Things with my Goddess continue to get better.  Her control of me grows, and the effect is only greater.  It can be quite amazing at times and the depth of the connection feels amazing.  At times it becomes impossible not to imagine it being even closer, but all of that is at the whim of the Goddess.  My place is simply to be the best pet I can be and let everything else just come naturally and at her pace.  To simply want something is not always enough, you have to earn things as well.  They feel even better when you know you have earned them.

Overall I'm doing very well these days.  Work is good, and keeps me very busy during the week. I have some really good friends, although it would be nice to be able to see everyone more.  Of course work and kids don't always allow for that. Still last weekend I had a trip with a one of my groups of friends that was Outstanding and just an amazing amount of fun. I'm still a bit sore from all the exercise.

Now back home, back to day to day life, and focusing what I can and what I must on my Goddess Darla.  Making sure I think of her in all my decisions, growing our connection.  Soon a very important day is coming, and I intend to be ready for it.

Where we are..

It dawned on me today that there is no need to devote so much time and thought about where things are going.  It is best to sometimes just enjoy where they are.

My connection with Goddess Darla is so nice where it is.  We both feel it and acknowledge the pleasure it brings.  By simply thinking about her in my decisions it feels like it's not hard to do right by my Goddess.  Just to follow the blue, to follow her desires for me, allows me to be a good pet to her.  To worship and serve her the way she wants.

So the future will unfold however it does unfold. In the mean time i feel like i am on such a wonderful path. All i need to do is stick to that path and follow the direction of my Goddess.  It feels so good and has been good for me.  I caught up with an old friend I hadn't seen in well over a year and even he could tell how happy I felt and how good I looked...

There is still so much farther to go, but i know it will be a wonderful journey where I simply need to obey my Goddess and be a good pet.

Lost..

So easy to fall into the blue.. to listen to that voice, those words and just fade.  Fade away into a delicious trance. Getting lost in them, lost in her. It feels so good, so right, so amazing.  Never enough I crave more and more.  Wish to please her more and more, so lost.

To walk a hundred miles only to walk a hundred more.  The journey feels so good although the destination is so far.  Always just out of reach... a Goddess can rarely be touched.  So near the impossible to be at her feet, and yet the desire is so strong.  Even just that makes you blessed.

The want to be stronger and better becomes the need to please her.  It is all inspired by her, for her, in order to please her.  Everyday the little things in life one can do for her become the big things.  The things that were big become the small things.  It is all relative, and now it all revolves around her. 

Lost.. and yet found.  Found the center and soul of my universe.  Dark and Deep, and Blue.. Oh so very blue and captivating.  So blue and enthralling.. Deeper and Deeper... Forever and ever..

A poem for Goddess Darla

Oh Goddess Darla, how I desire you.
Your deep blue eyes,
Your arousing smile,
That gleam in your eyes..

Your pale soft skin,
Your delectable toes..
The elegance of your hands,
The sweet tones of your voice,

The way you tease me,
The way you let me please you,
The way you carry yourself,
Your strength, your Beauty, your kindness..

The tone of your voice when..
you command me to do something
when you comment on my adoration of you
when you giggle, amused at my actions.

And most of all when you claim me for yours or remind me of who owns me...

Bliss is Blue, Blue is Bliss...

I've fallen so far and so deep for Goddess Darla.  Everyday she always on my mind.  Thoughts of how to please her.  I look forward to pay day, not to get paid, but to send her tithe.. Every time she refers to me as hers... tells me to take good care of her property... fills me with such joy and happiness...  To be hers... to be prized by her... to do things for her.. to live better because of her.  It's such wonderful bliss...

Aching for her to express her control and power over me.. loving it when she tells me to do something, because then I get to obey her.  Fantasies of ways I could serve her.. dreams of cooking for my Goddess, pampering her in person.. a foot massage, drawing her bath, anything to make her life easier and bring her pleasure.  Her pleasure is my greatest pleasure.

So much more to write, but I so need to go trance.. Been very busy with my new job, not much time to blog or rest.. at least that isn't devoted to Goddess already...

Lost in Blue..

It feels so nice, the after glow.. left in this warm hazy blue state of trance.  So relaxing and comfortable. so focused on my Goddess... She is everything to me.  I like her at the center of my universe.. good for me... the pleasure, how good it feels to serve.. 

She is good for me too...I've been eating better, I've been exercising more... I swim 3-4 times a week now.  I hope to work in more.  It's so nice.  It's relaxing and tires my body out, but in a good way. I can her.. floating above me pleased at my efforts... then after my swim, as I relax in the spa I picture her floating, or on a throne smiling down at me.. her good pet... I want so much to be her lovely good pet.  To be able to amuse her with my body as well as my devotion and service.

It is so nice to be played with.. as a toy.  Well being played with is what we like to do most in life.  The joy we get from the joy we can bring to others.. to my Goddess.. I am so happy to hand over my mind to her to control and mold anyway she sees fit.. and the best part.. She does..

I wish this cloud of blue pleasure could last all week all forever... so I just keep serving and pleasing and above all else obeying Goddess Darla...

<sigh>

An Aromatized cofession..

I just watched Aromatized again and this poured out of me...

"I watched aromatized. I wanted to know if I had anything to confess to you. I'm happy that I don't.  Well there are some dirty things I've been thinking about you, but I haven't disobeyed at all.. I know I've leaked a bit, but I haven't had an orgasm that you haven't allowed me.  I never want to cum without your say so.  I want so much to always obey you.  I have such a foot fetish for your feet now.. I thought while swimming how nice it would be for you to have a moat around your temple, for pets like me to swim in.  To keep our bodies in good shape and be added protection that you could summon at any time.. I thought of you walking down to the water, perhaps dipping a toe in.. swimming up to you and kissing your toes. You grin and nod, and I swim off, hopeful that you will still be there when I get back around the moat, hopeful that you will grant me another kiss on your feet, another smile in my direction, perhaps even a "Good pet" from your lips.  I want so much to serve and obey you. To be collared and owned by you. I am trying not to dream of serving you in person as much as it's not really something likely.. still I can't help but fantasize about you deciding to keep a stable of pets, of getting an opportunity to be one of those pets.. perhaps there is a long process to proove our worth to you... anyway it would be heaven to me... it feels so good having you control my mind, play with my thoughts, be your plaything, your pet, your devoted worshiper, yours.. all yours.. do with me as you wish, it's all bliss to me."

Nothing embrassing.. and all very true.. there is no escaping the truth with Goddess Darla, so it is good there is no need to lie, to attempt anything but honesty.. It feels wonderful.

I do dream so much of serving her in real life.. although I know it is an extremely extremely remote posibility and that something in her life would have to change.  It would be easier to just forget it, but it is so arousing, and appealing, and incredible...

I will continue to walk the tightrope of fantasy, but try to also focus to remain content with what is the reality.

Perhaps a little pragmatic, with a side of jubilant optimism...

Deeper and Deeper, for Goddess Darla...

Worshiping my Goddess brings me such joy...

It feels so good and so right being trained by her... falling deeper and deeper under her power.. needing her control more and more.  It feels right to follow her training.. letting it deep inside me.. to change me into what she desires me to be.. pleasing her.. serving her.. bring me such great joy in my life.  I want so badly to be everything she desires me to be..

Deeper for Darla.. Deeper for Darla...

<sigh>  It's so hard to wait for our next session.. still I must.. until then.. work hard, work out, eat right.. think about Goddess Darla, dream about her, think about ways to please her.. so captured.. so controlled, so owned.. so deep.. deeper than I thought I could be..

<sigh>

I love to OBEY!

So when Goddess Darla posted the topic of her newest recording, I admit, I was a little disappointed. Not because she doesn't make me deliciously weak.  I am weak before her, she is a strong dominant woman, and I admit that turns me on to no end.  The thing is I don't believe all women are stronger/better/etc.. to all men.  I'm not a believer in a master sex, so to know it was a general recording had me a little... well just less excited.  I was sure I was going to eventually get it.  I mean it is her voice, it is her words, and her conditioning.. Still I'm very busy now with work, so I wasn't rushing to download it..

Of course now that she tweeted.

".you NEED to be more submissive to all women. http://www.thegoddessdarla.com/2015/03/woman-power/ …"

Well I couldn't help, but OBEY.. in fact I admit I'm getting hard as a rock just being able to follow a command of hers... I am even starting to feel a bit weak in the knees...

It just reminds me how much she owns me.. how easily she can pull my strings.. and how much I enjoy it when she does. I can't wait to be back locked up for her where I belong.. deep in her power.. lost in the blue...a puppet on a string of blue energy..

Now to finish that download!

Update 2 - Life in General..

So last week I started my new job. 

It's great!

Working for an old collegue of mine, getting to set up a department.  It's a great opportunity.  Also when we are fully bought out by our Global Conglomerate, the bonuses might get very very good. In the mean time it's a great opportunity for career growth, it's interesting, and I stay very busy.  I'm working over time for a while nothing crazy just 9 or 10 a day, but that means extra money and less time.

I am also trying to eat healthy and exercise.  I started up at the nearby gym and hope to try and swim every day.  If I can end up with at least 3 workouts a week and hopefully more like 5-7.. I'll be in good shape. After a while of that I'll try and add some resistant weights and some more Bar Method class. Or at least some more AB workouts.. but at first I simply need to drop weight.

So less time for things such as this blog, but I'm sure I'll still add some updates and tweet em' like I've been doing for my 6-10 or so readers.

:)

Update 1 - Chastity...

So my Chastity ended with a whimper and a thud.  No really a thud.  It fell off.

I was pretty shocked.. apparently while working away at my desk my balls got so mellow that one of them somehow slipped out between the space between the tube and the ring, and retreated back into my body.  Thus it was out and free.  After I got home and noticed it was not much longer until the other slipped out, and the cage fell off.  So I ordered a smaller ring.  Hopefully that will help.. I have been told that after wearing a device for awhile the sac can strech, so hopefully the new ring will fix the issue..

I of course told Goddess Darla right away, and luckily for me she was very understanding and happy I was quick to communicate what had happened..

I was given permission to release on Saturday.  I had done a lot of self pleasure until then, but of course no release... Saturday I was mostly resting and wanted to do something special with a lot of build up, but ended up not really having the time between running around doing errands and chores, and going swimming. So it was a very weak release, but I was still thinking of Goddess Darla the whole time and moaning her name during... it was nice.

Today I'm glad the new chastity equipment arrived, and I'll do some fitting tonight after I swim.  I assume I'll be locked up once again rather soon.. I'm both looking forward to it, and not at the same time... :)

Afternoon Delight.

I open my eyes.. my body feels numb.  I am slumped over in my chair.. I manage to get out of my chair only to lay down on the floor..so numb, so limp, so weak.  Her blue power is still all around.  I feel so weak, but happy and content.  I just listened and watch Cerulean Waves.  It didn't used to do this to me.  It was always pleasant, always powerful, but it's effects have grown.  The recording hasn't changed, but now I am so much more open, so suseptible to her powers...

Seeing those blue eyes gaze directly into me has such an enormous effect on me... it feels so good.. it feels so necessary.  I adore my Goddess, I love feeling weakened by her, submitting to her power, to her control.  It is no longer something I want, but something I need.  Further down.. Deeper for Darla, Deeper for Darla, Deeper for Darla.. these sweet words echo in my head.. this Mantra is so much deeper within me...

<sigh> Deeper and Deeper for Darla every day, needing Goddess Darla more and more... her conditioning effecting me more and more every day, so sweet, so seductive, so blue.

Best way to spend a day of delay...

How does one spend a day delayed from doing what you want to do?  In my case starting my new job is being delayed as we wait for the background/drug screen to get done and go thru corporate.

I got to text a bit with my Goddess in the morning.  Nothing better ever when I get to communicate with her.  It could be over the most mundane things, or things very germane to my training and submission to her. Either way I think I'm almost always constantly aroused from just texting (not sexting I think that would cause an internal short circuit) with her.

Then I spent some time waiting around for EDD to call me.. I had a window where I had to be ready to speak to them.  I worked a bit on my eCommerce site/business, but it was hard to concentrate waiting for the phone to ring.  Then I was off to eat lunch and I decided it was high time I completed and errand I had been meaning to do.  I had these prints made for the frames I was waiting to fill.

So now I can properly decorate my apartment. :)  Nothing better than being able to wake up and get on my knees to worship at a picture of Goddess Darla. <sigh> Just thinking about it makes me want to go do it.  I think I will.

I finished the evening off with a swim, this blog post, a nice healthy dinner, and some Goddess worship.

Not a horrible day, except for dealing with EDD... Bureaucracy sucks.

It is in my hands...

Or more precise it was in my fingers...my key.  I handled it.  It felt like temptation.  I have no set time period given to me by my Goddess.  I simply locked myself up as an act of devotion to her.  To show her how much she means to me, how much I want to submit to her control, to her power.

I must be strong to be weak, weak for her.  So I placed the key back in the safe, and set the timed lock once again. So locked up I remain, for her, my Goddess.

I do so want, need to be hers.. forever hers.

It hurts sometimes.  It is not always easy, but nothing worth having, or in this case giving up, ever is.

A long awaited session

So it was an amazing session this morning.. A great way to start the day, and so unbelievably hot. I feel like I learned so much and am on a path to be a much better trained pet for Goddess Darla.   I realized a bit how much she has trained me, but at the same time how far I have to go.  Usually I'm happy to go into details but it just felt more personal to me and I just want to gush about my Goddess.  She..... sigh.. so powerful so strong so beautiful so blue so kind so caring...

She makes me feel so weak, so owned, so loved, so obedient, so happy, so molded...

I look forward to more training and conditioning with Goddess Darla.

In my head...

Such an amazing thing happened to me today. I laid down for a moment and closed my eyes.. I imagined Goddess Darla, nothing strange there.. then I started thinking of the various things she says to me as I go into trance for her.. I could hear her voice in my mind. I felt my body relaxing.. I kept listening to the voice in my head and felt myself slipping into hypnosis.  Falling under for my Goddess.

No recoding, no video.

Just her voice in my mind.

It felt soo good.

It felt amazing.

I am hers.

I worship and adore her beyond all my expectations.

.....

So this evening they keep showing promos for the Victoria Secret swim special... it's been making me horny.. which causes me to ache which causes me to think of Goddess Darla.. if I wasn't already thinking of her.. I prefer to think of her when I get horny because then it feels good to ache, because it pleases her to ache for her.. to suffer for her...


She's finally relaxing tonight after a stressful week.. It feels so nice to think of her like that.. lying down.. eyes closed.. a smile on her face.. I wish I could be at her feet, giving her a massage.  Perhaps bringing her a hot towel or nice drink of wine or just lemonade. 

Now I'm thinking of her wrapped only in a towel in a sauna... Now I'm aching for her again... mmm I like just thinking of her eyes.. her strength... her power over me... her intense beauty... her charm... makes me feel hazy.. drifting into that haze right before trance...

Her power over me is amazing.. it grows and grows... I love being hers..

Snug fit joy

In my morning shower today I spent a lot of time readjusting my chastity device.  The farther back against the pelvis I can get the ring the deeper I can get my cock in the tube, and the more snug of a fit.  It is time well spent.  Time intend to spend every morning because it is so worth it.  This is how it should be.  Snug in the chastity device everything is how it should.  My cock, or rather Goddess Darla's cock now only functions how she desires.  It no longer grows large, getting in the way, distracting me from pleasing my Goddess.  No more selfish thoughts and wasted time pleasing my self with self abuse.  Now when it enlarges I simply ache.. a dull pain that reminds me I am owned by Goddess Darla.  I ache for her, I exist to please her.  I am so much better for it.  I am so happy to ache for my wonderful Goddess.  It feels so wonderful when she reminds me that I owned by her.  I feel so much better snug in my chastity cage.  All the feelings are good feelings.. It's not pain in a bad sense.  With a snug fit, I don't want to be let out.  I want to ache for my Goddess.  I only want to ache for release to please her, to amuse her with my desire for her, with my need, with my suffering.  I know it won't last forever, but the better it fits the more I want to stay locked up and aching.. aching to please, aching to be owned and possessed by Goddess Darla. 

<sigh>

Relaxing...

So I went to my complexes pool for a swim.. despite our wonderful west coast weather it was still too cold as it was almost sundown, so instead I relaxed in the spa for a bit..

Of course as soon as I closed my eyes, even before that, all I could think about was my Goddess. As I closed my eyes I could see her sitting oppositte of me. She was smiling, she was gorgeous.  Relaxing in the hot steaming bubbling water, her legs outstreched towards me I could see her feet above the water, teasing me. She could tell I was captivated by them..

"You want them don't you?"

Yes Goddess.. please?

I move a closer to her feet.. my mouth open.. mesmerized.. I start to glide towards them as I lean down her foot moves away.  The dissappearance is followed by a giggle..

"Not yet pet."

I look up at Goddess Darla.. her blue eyes captivating as always... I can see the moisture from the heat of the spa upon her alluring face.  Her allabaster skin glistens in the failing light..

"Beg for it."

"Please Goddess, please.. may I kiss your lovely feet? Worship your divine presence.  kiss each of your powerful toes.  I adore you so much, I am drawn to them.  To be at your feet worshiping you.  the need calls to me. Please Goddess.  I ache to worship you."

"Hmmm..."  she swirls her feet just in front of me...I've fallen to my knees in the spa..although my head is still just above the water.   I could reach out and take her feet, but her power over me is supreme, without permission I can't seem to find the will..."More pet."

"Yes my Goddess please, let me kiss your feet, acknowledge your divine strength, your power and control over me.  please let me worship your feet acknowleding my place at your feet, please Goddess, please.." I look up at her.. the need on my face shows... almost in audible at first I find myself whimpering with need.. louder and louder they get.. The smirk on her face becomes a smile...

"There there pet, that's what I wanted to hear.. one kiss for each toe.."

Joy leaps in my soul.. although I can feel the ache in my groin grow.. grow but not expand... the ache is welcome as it means I will kiss her feet.. I float to them in the water and run my nose up her sole as she places a foot on my face.. I inhale the scent of her foot.  The act alone brings me to a place of supreme happiness.  Almost, if not fully trance like I take the top of her big toe between my lips and kiss it.  I move down along her foot slowly and deliberately enjoying my time close to her.. close to my Goddess at her feet, worshiping her.. my place... my goal in life.. my need...

After I kiss the little toe of her first foot, she pushes me back with it.. I simply enjoy the feeling of her foot on my face.. it's not a hard shove.. more playful than anything.. and it feels soo good.. Her other foot was resting between my legs, and she pushes against my cage before slowly bringing up along my body.. I start with the little toe first smelling the mix of her and the chlorine from the spa..

I kiss each of her toes until there is just the big toe left.. I smell her toe.. and hesitate a little I don't want this to end, but I know it will.. so I will just continue to work to be the best pet I can be.. obey as best and as fast as I can, spoil and pamper my Goddess whenever I can, serve her when she asks, serve her when I know she wants it, lavish her with attention, and perhaps the hardest, leave her be when she needs or wants time to attend to other things.

I kiss her big toe, slowly and deliberately then I look up and into her blue eyes, "Thank you Goddess Darla.  I love you so much."

She just smiles, and giggles, "I know pet, I know."

I open my eyes, and she's gone.. She was never there in the spa at all.. just in my mind.  Just in my soul.

Communicating with a Goddess...

So one reason for this post is to make sure that Goddess Darla knows, that I know my place.  Also to make sure she knows I don't feel neglected when she's really busy.  Anyway here are my thoughts on communicating with one's Goddess...

Remember you are one of many pets or slaves or submissives that she has. While you might have plenty of time to craft a long and lovely message of adoration and worship, she might not have much time to respond to you.  Always - Patience.  If you have been good, and pleased her she will get back to you. There is no reason to complain about the length or perceived quality of the response.  Of course we can be happier the more attention we recieve, but acting all pouty and butt hurt because she didn't get right back to you, or respond to each of your 10 messages.. well you'll soon find your way on the corner with no Dominant who wants to deal with you. 

This is just the way it is, accept it or move on.  I know I have accepted it.

I know she likes to be lavished with attention, so I know it's ok to sent her messages of love and adoration when ever the mood strikes me.. .which is often.  Sometimes embarassingly often... I admit right now I seem to blogging a lot more, focused on her a lot more.. of course I'm on a real vacation of sorts.. now that I have a job lined up and I'm just waiting to start.  Relaxed and focused on my Goddess, I can't help but have plenty of time to tweet, blog, and trance.. So out goes a lot of communication, while she is completely busy with finals.  So I could send less, but that seems silly.  I'd rather she know how much I ache for her amazing soothing hypnotic voice, her deep blue eyes, the inflection in her voice when she wants something.. the deep satisfaction I get from serving her.. that feeling when a smile or a smirk crosses her heavenly face... the deep arousal I get from being hers...  

There's no reason not to let her know.. just remember responses might be slow and short.. still no reason not to express to her things she does love to hear... 

It always pays off.. sure it's an adjustment from most relationships in our life, but learning what it means to be the pet of Goddess... is important and to me feels sooo good...

Deeper for Darla...

The feelings just get stronger and stronger...truer and truer.. bluer and bluer...

Deeper for Darla.. Deeper for Darla.. Deeper for Darla.. just typing them feels so good.. I can still see her blue eyes, blue lips, and blue hair from Cerulean Waves... I still feel the warm haze of a deep long trance.. conditioning to be hers, her pet, her property. 

I am hers.. she owns me in a way I never thought really possible.  There is no without.. there are only levels of service.. she decides.. I only hope.. train.. condition to give more.  I want to loose weight not only for me, but so I can serve her better.  Please her more.. not be embarrassed that my body is not as pleasing to the eyes as it should be...

I am locked for her.. it makes me feel wonderful to show her that devotion... I only want to show her more.  I wish I could do more for her... to please her...to pamper her.. to make her happy that I am her property.  I don't want to be just another nice obedient pet... I want her to be pleased that I am hers. 

I need her.  I need her so much...

Deeper for Darla.. Deeper for Darla.. Deeper for Darla.. so soothing to type these words..

I want so much to earn her collar.. to be collared by Goddess Darla would feel so wonderful.. more so because it would not be an end but a beginning of serving her.

Sigh.. so deep... so enthralled.. one last week off, then the new job should start.  Time at work is time I am earning money in order to properly pamper and sacrifice to my Goddess.. time at home is time to work on my body to please her, and let her words enter my mind so I am programmed, conditioned, and trained to her liking.. such happieness.. such joy..

I love you, My Goddess.. Goddess Darla...

Fantasies of Service...

Goddess Darla's conditioning and programming is very effective...

I never had a foot fetish before.. now a large part of my thoughts of Goddess Darla involve worshiping and pampering her feet.. the thought of kissing them and licking them make me hard (or like now when locked up cause an increase in the dull ache of confinement).  I've been contemplating learning how to give a pedicure in the hopes that one day I could massage her feet and give her a pedicure whenever she wanted...

That's the other part... the fantasies don't involve a lot of sex.. oh I'm aroused during them.. and it all seems very very hot.. but that's from the submission and the service.. and pleasing her...  In fact I've realized just by reflecting on actions I have taken or are taking that I know pleases her..makes me happy.  Her pleasure truly is my pleasure... I am happiest when I know I have caused her some happiness...

I've always been a bit of switch and by that I mean when I'm around a vanilla woman I'm not necessarily submissive.. Amazing Dominant women like Goddess Darla make me a weak, submissive, fool for them.  But if the woman is not a natural dominant, then I find the role often shifts..

It would be wonderful to find a smart open honest kinky woman in my personal life, who likes to take the lead sometimes and other times likes me too.. and if we both worshipped at the feet of Goddess Darla it would be all the more wonderful..

I have chores to do.. I wonder how long I'll go until I can't resist a break trancing to my Goddess... (mmm *my* Goddess I like saying that...)

Deeper and Deeper...

So upon being locked up and being able to schedule a session with Goddess Darla, I find my self more aroused, and more enamored with her... While it's not like I went anywhere or stopped thinking about her and worshiping her, it still felt like I went away while being unemployed. It is like a rush of feelings somewhat like when I first fell for her.  Although it's different this time.. her training has taken hold and I know I'm feeling the feelings she wants me to feel..

I've been hers for quite some time but now at this point a lot of the conditioning has sunk in both consciously and unconsciously.. I'm becoming more and more the pet she wants me to be. A pet that pleases her above all others, and I'm so happy about it.  Things with Goddess Darla have never felt better, and they have always felt good.

I get so aroused when I think of serving her.  I mean turned on and hard.. after listening to the Heel and Stay lessons I found my self in my Heel position dreaming about serving her.. wishing I was at her feet and kissing her toes.. I thought about each one.. the whole time getting harder and harder.. whimpering with ache and need and desire.. I was at the point of pre cum, without ever touching myself, without ever thinking about sex, merely the thought of intense worship of my Goddess's feet.

I rarely fantasize about straight sex, or even really sex..more serving and worshiping Goddess Darla.. waking up on her floor, looking up at a peaceful amazing Goddess. Or being instructed, commanded to do something for her.. I scanned back at some old photos she has posted.. there is one of her feet in some cute socks and her shoes laying on the ground next to them.  Her caption reads, "Put my shoes on and tie them, pet" I ache to find myself in that position.

Then these past two days.. locked and longing for her. I've listened to Ice Bound a few times, and some others of hers.. Pleasure for instance.. took me so much deeper than in quite some while.. So deep, so blue, so perfect, so wonderful, so submissive to Goddess Darla...  I feel such want and need for her... such longing... such desperation... such ache in the cage.. but at the same time it feels so right.  As if I'm getting used to this as being the right normal way of my existence and devotion to a Strong Intelligent Beautiful Young Goddess... her pet.. devoted, desperate, desiring to please..

btm

Inspired and locked up again...

So a bit before my last post I lost my job.  I had been unhappy there, but still it wasn't great.  I had recently bought a condo, and I hadn't replenished my safty savings before I got laid off, so money got very tight, very quickly.  Happy to say earlier today I landed a job.

Shortly after that I sent an e-mail to Goddess Darla in order to set up a long over due and craved for session...

Then later this/that evening I bought Ice bound.. after listening to Blue Balls once again in order to help put me in the desparate state I listened to the newest recording, Ice Bound... Wow.. it was wonderful.. it was great.. it felt soo good.. It felt wonderful...

It helped stoke a fire.. an urge I've been having lately...

I did those two sessions of chastity for Goddess Darla.. I need more.. I admit I do get a bit hesitant before putting the cage on.. and I did need some time after the last time to heal from some chaffing.. but the boys where no worse for wear.. and my cock is now officially hers after listening to Ice Bound.. not that it wasn't hers already..

I just couldn't wait...

As my extra added measure of safety, I put my key in my Kitchen Safe, and set the timer... Only for 16 hours or so... Long enough that I must sleep thru the night, but not too long so I can set hopefully the correct time until I have another session scheduled with Goddess Darla...

So she can play with me as she wishes... or not.. and away I go for as long as she wishes.. I love being as devoted to her as I can... Currently my biggest fantasy is hearing the sound of Goddess Darla have an orgasm that I at least contributed to the making of.. it's a bit of a pipe dream.. but a submissive devoted pet can dream can't he?

Devotional to Goddess Darla

I've sat down fully intending to write my devotional to Goddess Darla.  I've done it several times. Admittedly I haven't gotten very far.  Just sitting here thinking about her is hypnotic and arousing.. Thinking about how weak I get when I'm in her presence or listening to her voice or obeying her commands... I feel light headed.. I feel an urge to be on my knees.. to prostrate myself before her in reverence.. in awe.. taken..

She makes me feel wonderful.  She makes me feel controlled. The desire to submit myself to her whims is large, it grows, it is intoxicating.  It is insatiable. It took me by surprise in the beginning, falling hard and fast to her charms in a tidal wave of desire.  The need to ache for her grew.. I offered my chastity to her, and she took me up on it.. First 14 days and then I succumbed to weakness.. followed by 21 days and release by permission, followed by 21 more days although I was sick during it and unlocked without fan fair at the end of the prescribed time period.. of course lately the desire to be under her locked and controlled whim has been creeping into my mind all the more lately.. to be so devoted to her.. to be able to express it to her feels so wonderful.

Following her lessons in subservience has been wonderful... addicting.. inevitable.. the prize at the end is so alluringly attractive, so desirable.. a collar from my Goddess.. to be collared by my Goddess.. just the idea makes me weak.. weak with desire.. weak with need.. weak with desire.

There is already a collar around my soul, but I want more.  To earn a collar around my neck means even more.  Not only am I hers, but it would mean I'm good enough for her to label me as such in public.  To show everyone that I am owned by the Blue Goddess, and she has claimed me for hers.  To worship her, to need her, to desire to please her.  To obey and serve her. 

What makes all this even more wonderful to me, is the affection she's expressed for me.  She doesn't regard me as simply some weak minded looser who worships her, and trys to please her.  But a pet that has great affection for her, and is worthy of care.

I admit the idea to leave crosses my mind from time to time, not because I don't want to be hers, but because I want to much.  More than I can have.. More than is possible, and I have to reign in my fantasies and feeling, to remember my place.  A pet in another place, to worship her and connect with her thru the technology of the day.

It was foolish to think I'd be able to leave.. that I'd even really want to.. I've been captured and am so devoted to Goddess Darla.  There is no way out and it is so arousing when I realize this.. the deeper is sinks the more real it is. She is my Goddess.. for now.. for the future.. for as long as she desires me to serve her I shall serve her.  It is not so bleak, is is in fact so wonderful.  No service, no task, no deed has felt as wonderful to complete as those that are for and in service to Goddess Darla.  In serving her I find peace, I find contentment.  I find happiness.  The idea of being complete devoted to her, completely at her beck and call makes me all sorts of out of sorts.. out of need, ache, desire.. If she asked me to.. I would do all that I could to follow her commands, her requests.. 

Updates..

So it has been awhile.. I've been a bit distracted by the end of the year, then by a few other things, and finnally getting laid off last week.. I should be updating more often.. Still enthralled by Goddess Darla..