Neglect.

No I would not say I have been neglecting my duties as Haylee's puppy.  However my upkeep of this blog has seen some neglect.  In part due to blog activity on www.inhayleewetrust.com which I do enjoy.  Being a part of where others are blogging about her, and for her is nice, but at the same time I miss upkeeping this.  I started blogging for her when there were few of us blogging.  I did it for a couple of reasons.  It pleases Haylee.  She enjoys reading about her slaves reactions, thoughts and feelings.  Pleasing her is extremely enjoyable so it seemed like a perfect fit.  I like to write, and so writing about something I was over the moon for seemed fitting.  I thought it would make for a personal record for myself to reflect on from time to time and understand more about how I got to where I am, and where I had been at different points.  Self reflection breeds self awareness. 

So at this point looking at it all I aim to give this blog as much time as I can give to the group blog.  Some things seem more fitting in my mind to go here, while others seem more fitting at the other blog. So I'll use my judgement to put it all where it belongs.

Also I've been extremely busy with work and study for a professional exam I take in one weeks time.  In order to be the best version of my self it's high time I make more of my potential in my career.

All for Haylee.

I am a Rambling man...

Sometimes we walk a path that we never thought would really last as long as it does.  It looked like a short walk, a little stroll.  A journey to be made in a morning, while the sun rises to high point.  Instead the walk becomes a hike, the hike becomes a journey and suddenly the short little path becomes an epic tale.

Some time ago I felt a need within me.  A desire to find someone or something to explore a part of me.  I found her, I found her voice, her writing, her words.  It was really those two things that caught me the most. Her words and her voice. She was cute to, but honestly not my type.  Still those words... and so I took a taste.

I fell. 

I lay there, soothed, spent, exhausted but exhilarated.

What was that? Did I even remember everything? Again.  Less more.  It was all the same but it was different, and her voice, her words... I wanted more. I got more...

Soon I knew I had found something, or perhaps something had found me.  Caught in a web? Drawn into a warm relaxing pool of ecstasy... a dream perhaps.. No a journey.  A journey with a guide shrouded in mystery, radiating bliss and desire.... To be with her, to serve her, to submit to her.

Inevitable.

It didn't really take me long to accept the fact.  Of course a part of me wondered would it last, would the infatuation blossom and bloom or wither and die.  Is it real?  Could it be more? If not would it be enough?

Had I reached the hidden beauty along this journey.  Had I come to the end, would I return to this spot, would it be the same? and then Nature came, the rain came, the thunder the lightning.

Shelter, I sought, and the beauty was left behind, but ever present in my mind.  One foot after the other, my pace increased, the slow winding journey became a foot race.  Enjoying the scenery replaced with increased tempo and miles to cover.  Shelter to seek to find.  I had to withstand what was before me, and find my way back to full strength.

All the while her voice still in my head.  The rain stopped, the storm no longer brewing.. in the quiet of the night I could hear her, I could smell her, I was with her.  Faint at first but growing stronger.  The want no longer, the need to return to that place, to see what I had seen before...

The path seemed different and the same all at once. It was old, and yet new again.  Like the river after the storm.  The rocks move and shift, and the water flows the same path, but takes different steps.  I found my way there again.. This time it was the same, but this time it was different.  I saw the path beyond the pond, the next steps in the journey.  It was not over, this was not the destination, but a spot along the way.

She was not mine, I would not see her, but I would be hers.  Her's to control. Her's to use.  I was to warm her spirit and put a smile on her face when I could. In return I could serve from where I was, and that is all.  Sometimes it feels like too little, but it is enough.  It is where I have found fate to take me, and it does feel good.

I have not found what I was looking for, but I found what I need.  I continue along the road that fate has left.  It's potholes.  It's overgrown landscape, and it's wonderment.  The sights and the sounds, the smells. It stirs my soul, it awakes my desires, and yet smolders still.