Aching...

Not sure how focus is effecting me, perhaps it was just a lack of Mistress replaced by more of her... I couldn't stop thinking about her for a moment last night.  I was so hard, so horny, so unable to get relief... Just aching for her... Even right now I'm getting hard and having to fight an urge to play with her cock.. .for it is hers, it aches for her, it yearns for her, it obeys only her, it only wants her, such unbearable pleasure...

Missing Mistress...

It almost sounds a bit silly.  How do you miss someone you don't see?  But really I realized today how much I miss Mistress, and just the thought of it makes me ache for her. 

Between learning how to live with Diabetes, and searching for a New Job I just haven't had much time to my self lately.  So not much time to listen to Haylee's wonderful recordings, or catch her on yahoo IM for a few words, or even have a mind blowing session with her...

I'm excited about her new recording, but even as I type this I'm exhausted from a long day at work.  Still I need to squeeze in a little Haylee time, I ache for her control, her voice, and all the pleasure that follows from pleasing her.

The Sides of ourself..

I've always been.... into the kinky aspects of sex.  I've always been a deep thinker when it comes to the roles that society has us play.  I've always been attracted to powerful, confident women.  When I was young I didn't know what to make of it, Did it mean I was submissive? What did that mean? Was I weak? Was I stupid?

I was an outcast in my High School.  I was that smart, scrupulous, nerd, who was huge and had a big temper.  I didn't run with the cool kids.  I didn't get beat up, but I got made fun of. My friends were smart, or outcasts, or criminals. The cool kids mostly left me alone if they knew what was good for them.  At least this was me in my neighborhood, in the school I attended. 

In my social circle I was a Leader.  I was one of the responsible ones, who would drive the drunk idiots home.  I didn't drink, but I didn't look down on those who did. I'd even say I was cool.  I was liked by the girls, at least as far as they needed/wanted a friend or a nice guy to chat with.  They didn't date me.

In the darkness, home at night alone, I explored my desires.  Strong women turned me on.  I was on the internet before most people knew what it was, even before the AOL days. I found Female Domination writing.  In fact I used to get unbelievable hard reading the works of Akasha.  In the beginning she posted on alt.femdom, these days she has her own website just use google. I even wrote the beginning to an ambitous story once and sent it to her.  To my joy she responded... I wish I had finished it.  I wish I still had the beginning of it.. <shrug>

After many years I realized I considered my self a switch, who prefers to be submissive.  I consider my submission to be a choice.  I don't address every dominant woman I meet by Mistress, nor would I even act submissive towards them.  Kind considerate, a gentleman, yes, but not submissive.  To do so in my opinion would be bold, and weak.  It would be a selfish act, to do so towards someone I don't know, to whom I don't have a relationship with.

So when I submit to Haylee, when I came to call her My Mistress... Just that is a joy.  Every time I put on my collar it is that physical reminder of not only her dominance over me, but her acceptance of my submission and devotion to her.  While she is not my future mate, she is my Mistress.  I explore, in a real way, my submissive desires and feelings, getting in touch with parts of me that I wouldn't be able to without her.

So thank you Mistress, thank you for what you do.  From time to time I can't help but emotionally crave more, but as the emotion subsides and the logic returns I realize what we do have, and I am content once again.

Endless Desire...

So one might wonder as life continues as things come up that take away from your time what happens to thoughts of Mistress Haylee.  Does the daily grind wear away at you desire, does a lack of contact do anything to diminish the attraction, the cravings? No, not for me.

It changes, instead of the continual daily devotion, I find myself busy with life and work, but then when I have some time to myself, thoughts of my amazing, erotic, powerful, and dominant Mistress flood my mind and body.  For instance I awoke early this morning and found my self fantasizing about pleasuring Mistress.  As usually it involves orally pleasing her, oh how I would love to taste my Mistress, to feel her hand on the back of my head, to taste her every fold with my tongue, to hear her breathing quicken, perhaps a moan or a gasp would be an untold amount of pleasure to her slave. To submit to her... the thought makes me hard, it makes me ache with arousal for her. 

I still get hard when I put on her collar.  I often now imagine I can see her holding my leash playing with the leather as she's about to snap it on to my collar... To be lead by her, to kiss and lick her ass, would be a wonderful way to start the day.  The thought of rubbing up against her legs is ever present.  I can hear her amazing voice in my head and I find myself feeling a larger and large need to find the time to call her, it isn't always easy to find the time that our schedules meet.  It only makes the ache for her grow.

I know I'll never want to stop being hers, and the thought warms me.  I simply yearn to submit to her desires, to please her, and to pleasure her.  Her pleasure is all I desire, and in it I find mine.  My mind is her playground as it should be.

I love you Mistress Haylee.

And the beat goes on...

So life has been a bit hectic lately.  Work was invaded by the flu/common cold that is going around and so things have been very busy.  Plus still getting used to taking medicine, and new eating habits.  I just can't come home and bliss out to Mistress like I could for a while.  Although I do find I look forward to the opportunities I do have with more anticipation and an increased desire.  Just thinking about my Mistress always puts a smile on my face, and I hope to be putting one on hers more often.

Thinking about her holding my leash in her hands and playing with snap connector never fails to make me feel more submissive to her.  It's the submission to her that turns me on the most.  She has really brought out my submissive tendencies.  All I really want is to be hers, by her feet, gazing up into her eyes.  To server her, to bring a smile to her face, a moan from her lips... The idea of kissing her lovely ass gets me very very aroused. 

Mmmm a spot of laundry then early to bed so I can listen to her sweet seductive voice before the work week begins..

Adventures in normalcy..

So I've spend the past two days spending every waking moment that was not at work, searching for my missing keys.  I've also been sick all day today just to add to it.  I searched everywhere for my keys. High and low.  Cleaned my room, washed all my clothes, searched in places I didn't even think the keys could be... all to no avail.  I even had AAA come out and unlock my truck thinking maybe I had locked them in there... Ugh..

Although at one point thru all this while I was lying down trying to get some rest and clear my head, I would think about Mistress.  It was nice to do so.  Very relaxing in the face of my little dilemma.  I knew in the grand scheme of things lost keys really aren't that bad of a deal.  It just interrupts your life so much it was frustrating me.  At least I could think of her, of how she is in me, of how I've become hers.  Even though life has been tasking lately, the thought of being hers is very relaxing very soothing. I thought about how when she's firm with me, how it turns me on to no end.  It's not anger, not a Mistress whipping her slave kinda of firm, just a she knows what she wants from me kind of mood, and she is going to tell me.  Then I do whatever it she asks of me.  I do it with pleasure and that is a joy.  It's her dominance, and my submission that are the main factor of why it feels so good, why lying there thinking about how I'm hers, how I am forever Haylee's pet.  I couldn't believe how turned on I got... Drifted off to rest thinking of her... Almost wanting her to hypnotise me into remember where my darned keys were!

I did finally find em'.  They were in the couch.  It's not your simple to look thru couch where you take off the cushions and viola!  The end seats have feet rests that fold out, the cushions are sewn in place, and somehow the keys slipped thru the cushions and got in the chamber of the side arm rest.  I had to cut the bottom protective screen open to get em'  But I have em' tomorrow make copies!  Then come home and settle into doing something for Mistress, life has been sucking up my time lately I feel like I need to do more...

Back to Reality...

So time to unravel my cozy blanket and finally take off the head set.. What? It's a whole week later? What happened? And why am I unable to get off my knees or stop thinking about ways to please my Mistress? Haylee's cock is very hard, aching, and dripping for her too... What the....

If only I spent the week off blissed out of my mind listening to loop after loop.  Instead I spent most of it sleeping in and grumpy.  I found out the underlying cause of my numb feet (peripheral neuropathy) is type II Diabetes.  For fun my Doctor accidentally put my diagnoses on the web file to Type I at first.. that was fun.  Anyway been trying to come to grips with it all, figure out what to eat, and trying not to eat sugar or drink soda..  I want to try and loose 15-20 in the first 3 months here as I hope to get down in weight up the Exercise and see if that helps.  But really I need to make lifestyle changes.  Even if I can get the condition to revert it is in a way like a Cancer patient, you have to be ever vigilant and make sure it's not back.  At least unlike a Cancer patient I can learn what to do to keep it at bay.

Actually getting it under control should help my battle with weight so that's a good thing.

Fun way to start the new year... Oh and I'm job hunting.  I still have a job, but it's time in my opinion to move on and up.