Can't resist the Blue..

Ok so I'm back in the fold.. a little wiser about the reality of the situation..

So it was only a few days.. Just how long am I supposed to go without staring at her blue eyes, getting more and more aroused?  The feelings are wonderful.. I'm not going to deny that.

I'm just in a place now where I know what's what.. Where I think my emotions know even they can't lead me to something that can't be, but fun can be had.. Sensual, sexual, tension and fun..


so my download just finished.. off into the depths of trance I go..

A step back...

Sometimes we must take a step back to go forward...

I realized something.. often when seeing a prodomme in person, or first submitting to a lifestyle dom you have the conversation.. Boundries.. borders..

I recently had a need to step back and realize my emotions had gone wild.. it happens.. I submit with my emotions.. I am a very analytical person.  In my daily life I think, act, and then feel.  These days I have to put my emotions aside at work, and act pleasant. I need to detach so often in professional life that when it comes to fantasy to submission I do the oppositte.  I lead with emotion... with feeling.  It is this rush that unleashes my creative side that I miss from my youth... passion and desire can control things.. reality takes a back seat.. lust.. craving.. passion lead the direction of it all..

Unchecked it can go a bit to far.. you can leap over the boundries you know are there.. So it was good and healthy to take a step back..

In my case a little release from control.. free to leak and cum on my own.. Oddly I haven't really.. a little release here and there but nothing spectacular.. Life is a bit stressful at the moment and I'm focused on dealing with that...

So a nice simple scoop of vanilla sexuality is nice..

Don't get me wrong I'l be back.. heck lying in bed earlier trying to go to sleep wanting to fantasize I found my thoughts found thier way to Darla.. I blame her conditioning. ;)

Still a bit free at the moment is good.. of course I still have my plans for Halloween.. I think Darla will be quite amused.. but that is almost 2 months away..

This weekend, I think I need to go dancing and hit on some unsuspecting co-eds.. maybe one of them will get lucky.

10 days...

I can't remember the last time I went this long.. add in all the teasing and edging.. the aching.. I think I've been hard and turned on more time then not.. It's been an experience.. I feel so controlled by her.. especially when I'm aroused and can't stop stroking.. sometimes in trance and some times not.. but no matter what I just can't cum.  I can't release.. there were a few times where I thought I had to have done soemthing but nothing came out.. no orgams was achieved...

A few times it's gone thru my head.. what if she never lets me cum?  What then?  I'm both incredibley turned on by the thought and a bit scared..

I can't wait until the chat tonight.. there apparently is a chance she'll let me cum if she's in a good mood.. I think... I hope she will be I mean a chat with her pets should put her in a good mood I think..


Now granted I was sick for a day or two ish.. and that made it easier.. but still it's been 10 days since I last released, and 5 before that.. not to mention that last release was quick.. I think I got hard and burst in record time.. and it wasn't a short release.. it had some substance.. still I keep aching for her.. I find myself sometimes so happy being taken by her.. but there is a small voice.. a small fear?

I want to much.. I want to be more than just another one of her many pets.. I don't know if I can be more that.. At the same time I think I should just enjoy the ride.. still the feelings and the needs that are real are still there.. I know it's why I became distant with Haylee.. I don't know if I don't want to cum, just so I'll stay in this soo desparate state that I can't think about anything but her, being hers, serving her, trapped by her bliss..

So confused so hers.. So happy to suffer for her, so wanting to be hers.. I need to get to know Goddess more.. perhaps tonight, perhaps tomorrow, but it must be soon..

I'm going to burst.

Week in Review..

So no post the last few days.. I was unfortunately sick for a day, and pretty busy with work.. but I still ache for Darla.. the bug has passed a bit, and today I've been making up for lost time...

Watching her videos.. listening to her voice... trancing... worshiping her.. thinking of ways to...

I ache for her so badly.. I have realized just how taken I am with her.. how easily I follow her commands.. how much I want to follow her commands.. how happy I am when I am able to do something in service to her.. to think about her is bliss..

I have pictures of her that she has tweeted.. I can't stop looking at them.. it makes a wonderful slide show.. I find myself getting aroused when I do.. I get to the edge where she likes me to be.. but I can't finish.. she has not given me permission.. and so I can't.. I can't disobey her.. I don't want to.. I will just suffer.. and ache.. and get more and more desparate for her.. more under her power.. yes

Yes my Goddess... I need your control, I crave your conditioning.. I am yours.. forever yours...

You refuse to let me go.. and I find the joy and happiness increase... Goddess Darla ...

I can't escape the fog that you have put me in.. Even today I'm happy that something happened that shall make it easier for me to keep serving you.. I am thrilled to be yours..

forever on edge.. forever needy for you.. wanting any attention I can get from you.. desperate for your voice...

It's a Hard Day's Night..

and I've been workin' like a.. Wait I'm not the Beatles..

It can be tough falling under the spell of Goddess Darla.. I mean I know she's busy.  Especially now with the Kismet thing.. and it is the time of year that the school year is probably starting, so she's one busy Hypno-Dome.. So I know it's hard to compete for her attention..

I know she's watching and I believe she appreciates my tweets.. It makes it feel all the more real to let the world know, and recieve acknowledgement from her on how she makes me feel, and how she affects me..

It's hard not to want more.. and yes it's hard now.. Well it's the semi hard that I constantly get when ever I think about her, get in my truck to drive somewhere (as my thoughts drift right to her).. or when I wake up..

The wake up thing has been a bit frustrating with regards to recording my dreams in the journal.. Once I wake up my thoughts turn to her so fast, that it makes it hard to remember the dream and write it down..

I think I've used hard a lot in this post.. but really it's all because of these Blue Balls.. I need a hit of some Darla and then I have an errand to run.. followed by some more Darla..

I think I've been listening to about 2-3 hours of her every day since listening to Blue Balls started all this.. perhaps more on the weekend.. Yet it's sooo not enough..

I think I need to take a foot massage class too.. that would be a good thing to spend my time on.