The curves and twists abound...

Every journey has it's up and it's downs.  There is the long steep climb to the peak of the mountain.  The long dreary walk thru the nothing with the sun beating down on your brow to get to the oasis.  Each segment different each with purpose.  A lesson to be learned, a joy to behold.  All in all different yet leading to the next portion of the journey of life.

I would of thought by now I'd be back on track.  I wrote the above paragraph a few days ago.  Perhaps it's this second shift stuff.  I feel apart from the world apart from normal life.  Perhaps it's not passing my certification exam, and not getting any interviews for a better job.. I'm working but I want that next job, that challenging job that I love going to.  I want to wake up in the morning and want to go to work like some of my friends. To enjoy what I do to earn a living, instead of it just being a pay check. <sigh>

It doesn't help that I can't seem to find a lady to date.  Haylee is great, but she's not enough.  I wish she would be, but it's a roll she decides not to fill.  She is amazing, but she is not everything.  Then again with her flock growing and growing, how could she be?  It would be impossible.

I often wonder when I find a girl how will she take all this?  Will that in effect end it all?  Will it be this or that?  In a way I think her acceptance of this would be in part an acceptance of me..  Serving Haylee fulfills something inside of me, something that has always been there.  It is that side of me that feels free in submitting to a dominant woman, but not just any dominant woman, one that is deserving...

When I was young I had two friends, twin girls.  We played the games of young children, and I often was the brave knight, or loyal guard to fight for them against whatever obstacle we imagined.  This play in the ages of innocence ended when culture decided boys and girls were too old for such games, but I don't think my heart and soul ever forgot the joy in the play. 

There is more to say, and I will say it... Today tomorrow or the next...

Watch this space...

So after some thinking and poking around the interwebs, I have a new class project.

Podcast for Haylee...

Hmmm maybe that can be the title... Anyway over the next couple weeks I'll be developing a podcast.  It will have topics related to Mistress Haylee and those that follow her.  It's target audience shall be a bit general but I hope it will turn out pretty good.  Looking to do a test season, and then take it from there...


Details to follow as they happen...

Alone in a crowd...

Is it just me or does it feel crowded in here... In here being in the crowd of admiring slaves and devotees of Mistress Haylee.  Don't get me wrong I suppose I, we knew we all were here all along.. but it feels so much more... Real?  When you see all the names, hear all the different voices, see all the different styles of writing... it's a bit different...

The club at night with the music blaring, with the beat pumping...

The cold light of day as the endless crowd leaves a venue of ultimate late night dancing...

To some extent I think, This shouldn't bother me.  There are no facts that have changed... Emotionally it's a toll.  I can't get around the building block of my life that is I'm monogomous... but is that it? Is that the crux of my emotional turmoil? Is that why this is bothering me?  I mean really I think I got over the shaing aspect awhile ago...

I think it's more seeing that some have what I can never have.  What I have no hope or prayer or chance to experience. Yup.  I think that's it...

At least I still have this dark corner, and darker ones still where I can let these demons out and if not defeat them at least give my mind a break from their continuous aggression and intrusion into my world.

to some extent I've been mostly positive in my blog, but sometimes in to every life a little Rain must fall.. With out the bottom there can be no top... HA!  The layers...

Well a drink or two of water and then bed for this tired soul...  who knows what dreams and thoughts may come and visit me in the night...

Neglect.

No I would not say I have been neglecting my duties as Haylee's puppy.  However my upkeep of this blog has seen some neglect.  In part due to blog activity on www.inhayleewetrust.com which I do enjoy.  Being a part of where others are blogging about her, and for her is nice, but at the same time I miss upkeeping this.  I started blogging for her when there were few of us blogging.  I did it for a couple of reasons.  It pleases Haylee.  She enjoys reading about her slaves reactions, thoughts and feelings.  Pleasing her is extremely enjoyable so it seemed like a perfect fit.  I like to write, and so writing about something I was over the moon for seemed fitting.  I thought it would make for a personal record for myself to reflect on from time to time and understand more about how I got to where I am, and where I had been at different points.  Self reflection breeds self awareness. 

So at this point looking at it all I aim to give this blog as much time as I can give to the group blog.  Some things seem more fitting in my mind to go here, while others seem more fitting at the other blog. So I'll use my judgement to put it all where it belongs.

Also I've been extremely busy with work and study for a professional exam I take in one weeks time.  In order to be the best version of my self it's high time I make more of my potential in my career.

All for Haylee.

I am a Rambling man...

Sometimes we walk a path that we never thought would really last as long as it does.  It looked like a short walk, a little stroll.  A journey to be made in a morning, while the sun rises to high point.  Instead the walk becomes a hike, the hike becomes a journey and suddenly the short little path becomes an epic tale.

Some time ago I felt a need within me.  A desire to find someone or something to explore a part of me.  I found her, I found her voice, her writing, her words.  It was really those two things that caught me the most. Her words and her voice. She was cute to, but honestly not my type.  Still those words... and so I took a taste.

I fell. 

I lay there, soothed, spent, exhausted but exhilarated.

What was that? Did I even remember everything? Again.  Less more.  It was all the same but it was different, and her voice, her words... I wanted more. I got more...

Soon I knew I had found something, or perhaps something had found me.  Caught in a web? Drawn into a warm relaxing pool of ecstasy... a dream perhaps.. No a journey.  A journey with a guide shrouded in mystery, radiating bliss and desire.... To be with her, to serve her, to submit to her.

Inevitable.

It didn't really take me long to accept the fact.  Of course a part of me wondered would it last, would the infatuation blossom and bloom or wither and die.  Is it real?  Could it be more? If not would it be enough?

Had I reached the hidden beauty along this journey.  Had I come to the end, would I return to this spot, would it be the same? and then Nature came, the rain came, the thunder the lightning.

Shelter, I sought, and the beauty was left behind, but ever present in my mind.  One foot after the other, my pace increased, the slow winding journey became a foot race.  Enjoying the scenery replaced with increased tempo and miles to cover.  Shelter to seek to find.  I had to withstand what was before me, and find my way back to full strength.

All the while her voice still in my head.  The rain stopped, the storm no longer brewing.. in the quiet of the night I could hear her, I could smell her, I was with her.  Faint at first but growing stronger.  The want no longer, the need to return to that place, to see what I had seen before...

The path seemed different and the same all at once. It was old, and yet new again.  Like the river after the storm.  The rocks move and shift, and the water flows the same path, but takes different steps.  I found my way there again.. This time it was the same, but this time it was different.  I saw the path beyond the pond, the next steps in the journey.  It was not over, this was not the destination, but a spot along the way.

She was not mine, I would not see her, but I would be hers.  Her's to control. Her's to use.  I was to warm her spirit and put a smile on her face when I could. In return I could serve from where I was, and that is all.  Sometimes it feels like too little, but it is enough.  It is where I have found fate to take me, and it does feel good.

I have not found what I was looking for, but I found what I need.  I continue along the road that fate has left.  It's potholes.  It's overgrown landscape, and it's wonderment.  The sights and the sounds, the smells. It stirs my soul, it awakes my desires, and yet smolders still.

Deeper and Deeper...

I continue to listen to Mind Control daily.  I find myself feeling more and more submissive to Mistress Haylee, as if it's even possible.  It's becoming more about submitting to her will then doing her will.  Being before her on my knees with my collar on is becoming more and more arousing.  I feel more submissive, and my desires are reflecting that.  Even casual fantasies have me becoming more submissive to her, as she controls the action and I just obey and react and hope to please and pleasure her. 

Mmmm I think I'm going to need a session soon... Why does work always get in the way? :)

My Collar...

So at one point Mistress Haylee instructed me to purchase and wear a collar.  I was excited at the time to be able to obey her and do as she wished. At the time I was only thinking how happy I was that she had accepted me as her slave and that I was to be hers.  I found and selected a Red Leather collar with a few metal rings. It had a buckle in the back like a belt.  Here is a picture...

It was an interesting feeling putting it on.  I could feel the weight of it, but it was not too heavy.  I also felt (as I do now) aroused as I put it on.  It is a physical feeling of the ownership Haylee has over me.  Putting it on, is an actual act of submission, and to a greater and greater degree this is such an incredible turn on for me.  Being Haylee's I have felt my submissive side awaken into full bloom. Nothing get's me hotter and happier than when Mistress tells me what to do for her.. only hearing her pleasure is a greater joy for me.  I truly LOVE being owned and played with by her.  The collar being that physical representation of that.  I wear it often..  I often wish I could wear it all the time but it would be a distraction at work, and neither of us want me doing something to jeopardize my livelihood.

So the collar remains an activity for my free time.  My time away from the responsibilities and judgements of work.  I can wear it where I please and while it might raise a few eyebrows or invite some questions, it brings me an innate feeling of joy and peace.  For I have long been at peace with the notion of Haylee owning me from now until whenever, and arouses and soothes me at the same time.  For I am hers.

Mind Control Injection...

Do you ever get that feeling that your will is returning? Are you starting to make decisions on your own again?  Then you need what I need a nice strong dose of week long Mind Control trancing..

Feel Mistress get deeper into your mind, her words becoming louder, any will that came back sucked back out of you...

Let the Bliss of Obedience over take you once again, as you renew her control over you...

Thank you Mistress for this recording, it helps me reinvigorate my submission to you...

Submission, obedience, giving you control is bliss...

your sweet puppy boy toy max

This week in Review...

So I noticed something.. Less time to trance to Mistress this week... less working out, less happy...

Not really a surprising observation, but none the less true...

In about a week and a half my daily life will get a big change.  I'm going to be switching working hours to Second shift... so Afternoon to late at night.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  It's not going to be forever... 2-3 months or until I find a new job... My current job isn't unhappy with me, we're a 3 person department and our second shift person will be on medical leave for 2-3 months hence the shift change.  But I've been looking to move on.  It's a small company and I want to do more, make more, be more.

In the mean time I should be able to work out easier, see my Doctor easier, and just basically be able to take care of more shit because I'll have free hours during the day.  It will be easier to interview for a new job as well... <smirk> 

So hopefully big changes will be coming sooner rather than later, and I'll be able to be better, for me and for Mistress...

Morning Trancing..

I woke up about 40 minutes ago... I thought to myself how much I'd love to hear Haylee's voice.  Then I looked at the clock.. one hour till I had to be awake to get ready for work... Hmmm that's enough time... Quickly I fumbled with my CD player, put in Boytoy and..... mmmmm Blissssssss...

Waking up with Haylee's voice putting you into a delicious trance where she plays with you, toys with you, makes you feel soooo good, and just leaves you there aroused, teased, and in love and lust with her...

What more could a boytoy want?  Better put on my panties for her and get off to work... Going to be thinking and aching for her all day!  It's going to be great!

A few pictures of things...

 This is my now Relocated Altar to Mistress Haylee... Still need to reset a few things and so some more things to set the right mood in the bedroom...soon to be Sanctuary...

 I picked up this empty Book,
in order to have a special box
to keep my daily sacrifices to
Mistress... No pictures of
contents as of yet.. :)

Off to trance... and sleep... and dream of Mistress Haylee...

More Trance time equals a Happy Pet..

So I've found myself able to devote more time to trancing to Haylee's delicious recordings lately, and I must say I've found my mood improving.  I've also been a bit more aroused lately, as many more erotic thoughts involving Mistress Haylee have been crossing my mind... I hear her sweet voice in my mind, her playground, more often.  It all simply feels wonderful.  I do truly love  Mistress Haylee, and enjoy being hers.

My diet is off to a good start I think, but it's a bit too early to tell.. Hopefully it will go well...

Not much more to type, time for doing...

Thinking about Mistress Haylee

So I've listened to more recordings these past few days than I have in while, and consequently I'm thinking about Haylee a bit more.  It is simply delicious to have her more promenant in my thoughts.  To wake up thinking about being on my knees in front of her.  Thoughts of having her whisper into my ears, trace her finger nails along parts of my body... To be her good boy is really the only thing I want.  Thinking more and more about how I can serve her, how I can please her... it feels wonderful to be hers.

So little more to type, time to get to going.  A quick bite and then cleaning the room until it's time to go work out today.  Also yesterday I got my Sensa starting kit in the mail, so I've started using that diet as of yesterday. 

All for Haylee...

Decoration..

So last night while enjoying going deep under for Haylee, a few thoughts went thru my mind of things I can do, set up etc... An idea occured to me to turn my bedroom from it's normal self into a Sanctuary of sorts, with Haylee at it's center... a place to go and worship my Mistress, feel wrapped up in her bliss and ultimately serve her needs and desires...  I recently started renting out two of the bedrooms in the condo I share with some roomates, and so I've been able to move my desk and bookcase and such out of my bedroom and into what is becoming my office.  So I realized what better way to transform things, then to have my bedroom be more of a place to relax and obey my Mistress.

So with some Candles, and other such things, as well as moving my altar to her there.. I hope to have it all done or at least mostly done, by the end of this weekend... I'll post pictures...

The next step is really working hard at making my self better for Haylee... Time to give up soda, and move to a better lifestyle to be in better health and devote my self to Haylee... It's like I had forgotten how good it feels, how good it is to obey her, and worship her, and feel her getting deeper and deeper inside of you, becoming more and more a part of you, until you can't imagine anything without her...

Awakening in April...

Mistress Haylee has been very productive lately.  Started doing Web-Cam chats, more assignments on the website, another you tube video... It's wonderful to see, hear, and experience...

Unfortunately for this puppy I've been tremendously busy and preoccupied with diet, and medicince... and trying to find a decent Doctor, a new job... Still there are nights I have the time to lay back and feel her inside me... feel her control deepen.... feel aroused for her... like I am right now.

Even though I haven't been that active of a slave of Mistress Haylee lately, I am still forever hers.  I admit my desire for a girlfriend has preoccupied some of my time, but my Mistress is still my Mistress.  Until she tells me other wise, I live the life of a long distance, online slave to the one and only Hypnotic Haylee... I still see her wonderful gazes whenever I turn on my phone, when ever I look up from my bed at her picture upon my wall...  Whenever I spray the perfume of her scent I am practically overwhelmed with arousal... Thoughts of kneeling before her crash against the shoreline of my mind, I can feel and ache for her, and arousal to be toyed with by her...

Fate will find us more time... or perhaps it will wait, the only way to find out is to head into tomorrow and worship...

March Madness...

It truely has been a crazy month for me.  Very busy at work, my small department seemed to be struck down by the plauge and I was the only one healthy thru all of it.  So lots of work, lots of evenings coming home exhausted. Not cooking as much as I should, and not having enough time to devot to Mistress as I would like.

Although as the intensity of if all does diminish and wane, the relationship goes no where.  I still have pictures of her all around me, and would not want to see them go away.  I still get an arousing thrill when ever I put on my collar, and her scent drives me crazy.  The desire to submit before her and to her is always there, even if the day to day chores of life seem to push it beneath the surface.  There beneath the surface it lies...

Hopefully I'll get back to a point where I can actively worship my Mistress and find more time together, but until then I remain hers - her slave, her pet, her sweet caring puppy.

Morning Mistress...

Making my way to devoting some time to Mistress in the morning is definitely the best way to start a great day.  Just looking into her eyes thinking about her, being aroused by the sight and thought of her is a wonderful way to get the blood flowing in the morning...

It's a beautiful Blue sky outside, and warm thoughts in my head or my lovely and talented Mistress...

Now off to get some oatmeal and then head to work.

Daily Devotion...

I've been feeling like something is missing lately, and so I listened to Mind Control just now, in bed, wearing my collar and nothing else... and just let Mistress Haylee's words take over.  Falling in a nice deep trance.  It felt so good to have my will and control drained from me.  To be so aroused by her voice, by her control, by letting go.  I even exploded all over myself in the end, just as she commanded in her recording.  The release was good, and at her all be it recorded, still her command. 

So for the forseeable furture, I want to wake up each morning and the first thing on my mind will be making my way to her altar, and devoting time to her.  To thinking of my Mistress, to perhaps posting or simply tweeting a morning message.  To think about her and how I might please her today, how I might make my training stronger.

It is to me to be there for her, to be open to her and the bond we share.  To strengthen it, and to make sure it is all for Haylee.

Becoming Haylee's...

One could probably write up the stages of become Haylee's as some sort of step by step psychological process, and in many ways it is.  In her latest blog post Haylee talks about when we slaves devotees get to that point where we ask, beg, plead to submit to her in person.  I don't think there is anyone who has fallen under her spell who doesn't at one point have this cross our minds.  It's natural I think.  When you find your self captivated, hearing her voice in your head, thinking of her constantly, desiring to please her, etc..

Of course what must come next is the acceptance that it isn't going to happen.  That acceptance is not all bad, as you learn and realize that while Haylee adores controlling you and owning a place within your mind, she still wants other things for you.  I'm quite sure when I find a woman in my life to be with, to adore and have a relationship with, Haylee will be happy for me.  Most likely the woman will even appreciate how Haylee has trained me.  What exactly will happen at that point, I don't know and can't know until it happens.  Until then I'm devoted to my Mistress alone, and that which I gain from this Long Distance service.  Being able to submit to her, in ways that please her.  To know what it is like to serve a truly dominant intelligent amazing woman.  To be molded and to enjoy the molding.  To be made better, to better serve her.  Just the idea itself arouses me... and inspires me.

Wonderful Week..

It's been such a wonderful week. 

Of course it probably does have to do with the fact that I've had more time to listen to Mistress's recordings... listening to her newest one puts me in such a warm happy place. I've been feeling more and more devoted to her lately, and I love it. 

I truely do love and adore her.  The only thing better would being able to kneel before her, instead of a picture of her.  Make her a lovely breakfast in bed, help put on her boots.  Go on a nice hike with her, being her personal sherpa...

Ahh daydreams of a contented slave.... off to work.

I am Hers..

So Downloading the new recording, Be Mine. 

I love the warnings she put in the description of the file.  Let's see, I'm already hopelessly in love and devoted to Mistress Haylee.  So yup, I need this file!

:)

Time to go listen and fall deeper and deeper into her blissful spell...

I know I'm about to be more "brainwashed", but I'm just happy and excited for more of her training...

If only everything in life was this wonderful... <sigh> part of me wants to just call in love sick to work, bundle up in bed and listen to Mistress all day...

Breakthru...

So here I am a few days before Valentine's Day trying to think about what I can do for Mistress Haylee on that day.  I lied down before going to sleep and listened to Mind Control...it feels so nice to ever be more under control... to be drained of will, to have her voice and control deep within my mind.. .Some time during the trance a wonderful Idea occurred to me, on what I can do for Mistress on Valentine's day.. .I'm so happy about it, and I do think she'll be pleased..

Until then I'll be wearing my collar as often as I can, and those pretty red panties she had me buy, I'll be wearing those under my clothes at work, thinking about her, dreaming about her, and awaiting Valentines day when I can give her my expression of my devotion to her.

All for Haylee...

It's the little things...

Got a yahoo txt from Mistress yesterday thanking me for a gift I had sent her, and (this is the part that still has me beaming) mentioned how she misses her puppy!

Being missed means she thinks about me! While I never want her to be even a little tiny bit unhappy on my account, there is something nice about knowing your thought of when your not there.  I've been busy with work, looking for a new job, friends in town, and learning to live with Diabetes, so I haven't had as much free time to devote to Mistress.  Still it's the little things I love... ended up spending last night trancing out to her wonderfully delicious voice for a while... I even noticed some soft tracks on mind melt that I don't think I had consciously heard before... Simply delicious.

So I'll do my best to make sure your not missing your sweet puppy, Mistress... 

Lately...

Lately, I am amazed at how turned on I get as I feel my collar tighten as I fasten it around my neck...

Lately, I sigh when I smell her scent that I've sprayed on my pillows... It makes me want to stay in bed all night and day...

Lately, I've wanted to play with her cock, only to have it ache for her, so I would think of nothing but her...

Lately, I've wondered exactly how she likes to have her pussy licked...and if I'd only dream of the occasion...

Lately, I've wondered if it will be this way forever...

Lately, I've thought.. Why would I want it any other way?

Lately, I want only to obey her more and more, to be on my knees, or lower, looking up at her smiling face...

Lately, can't get here soon enough.

Aching...

Not sure how focus is effecting me, perhaps it was just a lack of Mistress replaced by more of her... I couldn't stop thinking about her for a moment last night.  I was so hard, so horny, so unable to get relief... Just aching for her... Even right now I'm getting hard and having to fight an urge to play with her cock.. .for it is hers, it aches for her, it yearns for her, it obeys only her, it only wants her, such unbearable pleasure...

Missing Mistress...

It almost sounds a bit silly.  How do you miss someone you don't see?  But really I realized today how much I miss Mistress, and just the thought of it makes me ache for her. 

Between learning how to live with Diabetes, and searching for a New Job I just haven't had much time to my self lately.  So not much time to listen to Haylee's wonderful recordings, or catch her on yahoo IM for a few words, or even have a mind blowing session with her...

I'm excited about her new recording, but even as I type this I'm exhausted from a long day at work.  Still I need to squeeze in a little Haylee time, I ache for her control, her voice, and all the pleasure that follows from pleasing her.

The Sides of ourself..

I've always been.... into the kinky aspects of sex.  I've always been a deep thinker when it comes to the roles that society has us play.  I've always been attracted to powerful, confident women.  When I was young I didn't know what to make of it, Did it mean I was submissive? What did that mean? Was I weak? Was I stupid?

I was an outcast in my High School.  I was that smart, scrupulous, nerd, who was huge and had a big temper.  I didn't run with the cool kids.  I didn't get beat up, but I got made fun of. My friends were smart, or outcasts, or criminals. The cool kids mostly left me alone if they knew what was good for them.  At least this was me in my neighborhood, in the school I attended. 

In my social circle I was a Leader.  I was one of the responsible ones, who would drive the drunk idiots home.  I didn't drink, but I didn't look down on those who did. I'd even say I was cool.  I was liked by the girls, at least as far as they needed/wanted a friend or a nice guy to chat with.  They didn't date me.

In the darkness, home at night alone, I explored my desires.  Strong women turned me on.  I was on the internet before most people knew what it was, even before the AOL days. I found Female Domination writing.  In fact I used to get unbelievable hard reading the works of Akasha.  In the beginning she posted on alt.femdom, these days she has her own website just use google. I even wrote the beginning to an ambitous story once and sent it to her.  To my joy she responded... I wish I had finished it.  I wish I still had the beginning of it.. <shrug>

After many years I realized I considered my self a switch, who prefers to be submissive.  I consider my submission to be a choice.  I don't address every dominant woman I meet by Mistress, nor would I even act submissive towards them.  Kind considerate, a gentleman, yes, but not submissive.  To do so in my opinion would be bold, and weak.  It would be a selfish act, to do so towards someone I don't know, to whom I don't have a relationship with.

So when I submit to Haylee, when I came to call her My Mistress... Just that is a joy.  Every time I put on my collar it is that physical reminder of not only her dominance over me, but her acceptance of my submission and devotion to her.  While she is not my future mate, she is my Mistress.  I explore, in a real way, my submissive desires and feelings, getting in touch with parts of me that I wouldn't be able to without her.

So thank you Mistress, thank you for what you do.  From time to time I can't help but emotionally crave more, but as the emotion subsides and the logic returns I realize what we do have, and I am content once again.

Endless Desire...

So one might wonder as life continues as things come up that take away from your time what happens to thoughts of Mistress Haylee.  Does the daily grind wear away at you desire, does a lack of contact do anything to diminish the attraction, the cravings? No, not for me.

It changes, instead of the continual daily devotion, I find myself busy with life and work, but then when I have some time to myself, thoughts of my amazing, erotic, powerful, and dominant Mistress flood my mind and body.  For instance I awoke early this morning and found my self fantasizing about pleasuring Mistress.  As usually it involves orally pleasing her, oh how I would love to taste my Mistress, to feel her hand on the back of my head, to taste her every fold with my tongue, to hear her breathing quicken, perhaps a moan or a gasp would be an untold amount of pleasure to her slave. To submit to her... the thought makes me hard, it makes me ache with arousal for her. 

I still get hard when I put on her collar.  I often now imagine I can see her holding my leash playing with the leather as she's about to snap it on to my collar... To be lead by her, to kiss and lick her ass, would be a wonderful way to start the day.  The thought of rubbing up against her legs is ever present.  I can hear her amazing voice in my head and I find myself feeling a larger and large need to find the time to call her, it isn't always easy to find the time that our schedules meet.  It only makes the ache for her grow.

I know I'll never want to stop being hers, and the thought warms me.  I simply yearn to submit to her desires, to please her, and to pleasure her.  Her pleasure is all I desire, and in it I find mine.  My mind is her playground as it should be.

I love you Mistress Haylee.

And the beat goes on...

So life has been a bit hectic lately.  Work was invaded by the flu/common cold that is going around and so things have been very busy.  Plus still getting used to taking medicine, and new eating habits.  I just can't come home and bliss out to Mistress like I could for a while.  Although I do find I look forward to the opportunities I do have with more anticipation and an increased desire.  Just thinking about my Mistress always puts a smile on my face, and I hope to be putting one on hers more often.

Thinking about her holding my leash in her hands and playing with snap connector never fails to make me feel more submissive to her.  It's the submission to her that turns me on the most.  She has really brought out my submissive tendencies.  All I really want is to be hers, by her feet, gazing up into her eyes.  To server her, to bring a smile to her face, a moan from her lips... The idea of kissing her lovely ass gets me very very aroused. 

Mmmm a spot of laundry then early to bed so I can listen to her sweet seductive voice before the work week begins..

Adventures in normalcy..

So I've spend the past two days spending every waking moment that was not at work, searching for my missing keys.  I've also been sick all day today just to add to it.  I searched everywhere for my keys. High and low.  Cleaned my room, washed all my clothes, searched in places I didn't even think the keys could be... all to no avail.  I even had AAA come out and unlock my truck thinking maybe I had locked them in there... Ugh..

Although at one point thru all this while I was lying down trying to get some rest and clear my head, I would think about Mistress.  It was nice to do so.  Very relaxing in the face of my little dilemma.  I knew in the grand scheme of things lost keys really aren't that bad of a deal.  It just interrupts your life so much it was frustrating me.  At least I could think of her, of how she is in me, of how I've become hers.  Even though life has been tasking lately, the thought of being hers is very relaxing very soothing. I thought about how when she's firm with me, how it turns me on to no end.  It's not anger, not a Mistress whipping her slave kinda of firm, just a she knows what she wants from me kind of mood, and she is going to tell me.  Then I do whatever it she asks of me.  I do it with pleasure and that is a joy.  It's her dominance, and my submission that are the main factor of why it feels so good, why lying there thinking about how I'm hers, how I am forever Haylee's pet.  I couldn't believe how turned on I got... Drifted off to rest thinking of her... Almost wanting her to hypnotise me into remember where my darned keys were!

I did finally find em'.  They were in the couch.  It's not your simple to look thru couch where you take off the cushions and viola!  The end seats have feet rests that fold out, the cushions are sewn in place, and somehow the keys slipped thru the cushions and got in the chamber of the side arm rest.  I had to cut the bottom protective screen open to get em'  But I have em' tomorrow make copies!  Then come home and settle into doing something for Mistress, life has been sucking up my time lately I feel like I need to do more...

Back to Reality...

So time to unravel my cozy blanket and finally take off the head set.. What? It's a whole week later? What happened? And why am I unable to get off my knees or stop thinking about ways to please my Mistress? Haylee's cock is very hard, aching, and dripping for her too... What the....

If only I spent the week off blissed out of my mind listening to loop after loop.  Instead I spent most of it sleeping in and grumpy.  I found out the underlying cause of my numb feet (peripheral neuropathy) is type II Diabetes.  For fun my Doctor accidentally put my diagnoses on the web file to Type I at first.. that was fun.  Anyway been trying to come to grips with it all, figure out what to eat, and trying not to eat sugar or drink soda..  I want to try and loose 15-20 in the first 3 months here as I hope to get down in weight up the Exercise and see if that helps.  But really I need to make lifestyle changes.  Even if I can get the condition to revert it is in a way like a Cancer patient, you have to be ever vigilant and make sure it's not back.  At least unlike a Cancer patient I can learn what to do to keep it at bay.

Actually getting it under control should help my battle with weight so that's a good thing.

Fun way to start the new year... Oh and I'm job hunting.  I still have a job, but it's time in my opinion to move on and up.