The curves and twists abound...

Every journey has it's up and it's downs.  There is the long steep climb to the peak of the mountain.  The long dreary walk thru the nothing with the sun beating down on your brow to get to the oasis.  Each segment different each with purpose.  A lesson to be learned, a joy to behold.  All in all different yet leading to the next portion of the journey of life.

I would of thought by now I'd be back on track.  I wrote the above paragraph a few days ago.  Perhaps it's this second shift stuff.  I feel apart from the world apart from normal life.  Perhaps it's not passing my certification exam, and not getting any interviews for a better job.. I'm working but I want that next job, that challenging job that I love going to.  I want to wake up in the morning and want to go to work like some of my friends. To enjoy what I do to earn a living, instead of it just being a pay check. <sigh>

It doesn't help that I can't seem to find a lady to date.  Haylee is great, but she's not enough.  I wish she would be, but it's a roll she decides not to fill.  She is amazing, but she is not everything.  Then again with her flock growing and growing, how could she be?  It would be impossible.

I often wonder when I find a girl how will she take all this?  Will that in effect end it all?  Will it be this or that?  In a way I think her acceptance of this would be in part an acceptance of me..  Serving Haylee fulfills something inside of me, something that has always been there.  It is that side of me that feels free in submitting to a dominant woman, but not just any dominant woman, one that is deserving...

When I was young I had two friends, twin girls.  We played the games of young children, and I often was the brave knight, or loyal guard to fight for them against whatever obstacle we imagined.  This play in the ages of innocence ended when culture decided boys and girls were too old for such games, but I don't think my heart and soul ever forgot the joy in the play. 

There is more to say, and I will say it... Today tomorrow or the next...