Long time no post..

So I've been meaning to revist this blog...  lately I've had a lot of thoughts and feelings and no real outlet to let them on..  When last I left this blot Goddess Darla had returned to the scene from her break.  She was recharged at first and got busy making new content.  At first I sessioned often.. I forget why I slowed down the live sessions.. I think with work it got harder to schedule them as I was always fighting the time zone and just schedule issues... But deeper I went, and deeper I remain.

It was a bit of a shock and a surprise. I got a PM from Goddess and she was leaving the scene again.. this time for good apparently... Not much notice really a day or two.. Then when she went she removed her presence online. There still are a few remants.. but not much. Sadly even the good bye message dissappeared.

Honestly I was a bit heart broken.  She had grown to mean a lot to me. I mean what we had was both real and not real at the same time. I know it was something I was paying for, but at the same time she filled such a void in my life.  She inspired me. Helped give me the will power to follow my doctors diet. I got off medication went from 275 to 235, and was working out 2-7 times a week.. I was feeling great. 

She was gone. She is gone. I was always a bit worried she'd burn out.  She has a tendancy to jump full force into something, and I understood why she left... Not that understanding meant I liked it.  It's like when she live streamed on twitter I think it was once.. So many random assholes on there that I knew some douche bags would mistreat her in a way she did not deserve. She is a dominant woman, but I still have 20 more years of experience on this planet.. Still it makes me sad...

I send her an e-mail everyone once in a while... still I don't really want to bother her in her life. It's not like a I have a right to know anything about it. I still crave details. I would love to just talk with her about nothing but her life. How well it is or isn't going.  She still means so much to me. I still listen to her recordings or watch her videos.. I can't seem to replace her with other hypnodommes... I think it's too late for me.. Her programming is just too deep.. it was too amazing of a connection. All I want is a clone of Goddess Darla..

I know I should move on.. but I just can't seem to. I will for a bit and then the urge comes and I'm like an addict on a bender.. the next thing I know I have my old collar on, headphones, and such an ache between my legs.. unable to get relief unable to be locked up under her supervision.

So much I want to ask in an e-mail.. so much I never send.