Back to the Blog..

Oh my blog how I have neglected thee.. It's been a hard summer.

Goddess Darla went away.. She had an internship where she would have little free time and next to no privacy and so she decided to take a break from her Hypnodomme life.  It was the responsible thing to do. 

I thought that perhaps this would be the end of my obsession, that without the continual exposure to her I would drift into other things.. perhaps..I admit I even changed my desktop to something else at least for a bit, until.. the need the desire for her would keep creeping back into my mind.. I would go days without thinking of her and then be overwhelmed with need, with want, with desire, ache.. Sometimes needing to spend time on my knees looking up at her picture...

I would e-mail her about things.. about desires occasionally.. I knew she was busy yet if even felt good sending messages I knew would go unanswered.. it didn't matter. I knew she heard me..

Towards the end of her internship she even messaged me once on facebook.. Happy to text with me.. it felt amazing for even the short bit of communication feels so wonderful.. I admit i'm a whore for attention from Mistress.. Goddess.. both words feel as right...

i've finnally come to the conclusion.. no the realization i'll be her pet for until she commands me to leave or forever which ever comes first. it feels so good to know.. to really know and believe this.

She's been busy since the end of her internship.. school taking up her time.. she keeps teasing her pets that soon she'll be back...

Perhaps when?  i dont' know.. it doesn't matter.. i'll be waiting.. i'll be conditioning and trancing often until then.. aching for my Mistress... I can't even remember the last time i let go into an orgasm.. sure i've ejaculated.. but everytime it's something i fight, pretty much ruin.. more of a discharge than anything.. She hasnt' given me permission.. at the same time i know the body has needs.. although i would prefer to be locked up for her.. toyed with, ache for her.. earning a release in her honor, for her, that it self brings me deeper into her control, weaker for her...

to be at her feet... <sigh>

Things are caught up.. I plan to blog more regularly.. more in hopes that Goddess reads this and has mercy on me.. to play with my mind... grant me a session to drive her pet deeper into trance, allow me a chance to please her, to cause her to smile, to grin. to amuse her. i should simply hope for her return to the community, but all i think about is a return to me servicing, amusing, worshiping, her.

Her Eyes...

Fresh tears roll down my cheeks.. so weakened by my Goddess.. her eyes, her soft whispered words.. commands echoing in my brain. Obedience is hard wired now, the rules she gives me are automatic.  I strain to obey.  The feeling of her dark pupils upon me drawing me in deep so fast, so quick, so effortlessly.  The conditioning allows me to fade into her control so quickly to feel the haze of trance upon me to aid in following her commands even if my body naturally wishes not to. The blue haze of feeling drained by her.. weak in her presence, her words drawing power from me to her, my ache and need and desire grows.. the tears roll down my cheeks as my body fights to obey, pushed to limits it must continue until with one word... She is gone. My eyes rest. There no longer yet imprinted upon my brain. I see her thought she is not there. I see her when I close eyes. I need to hear more. I need to see more. I need to be weaker before her. So entranced, so owned, so happy.

Deep unto the blue...

So I realized I hadn't posted much recently.  I've been busy.  Between work, Goddess Darla, airsoft, exercise, cooking at home a lot (and shopping for that raw food), and chores.. well I haven't had much time for the blog.  Still I won't be abandoning it anytime soon.

Things with my Goddess continue to get better.  Her control of me grows, and the effect is only greater.  It can be quite amazing at times and the depth of the connection feels amazing.  At times it becomes impossible not to imagine it being even closer, but all of that is at the whim of the Goddess.  My place is simply to be the best pet I can be and let everything else just come naturally and at her pace.  To simply want something is not always enough, you have to earn things as well.  They feel even better when you know you have earned them.

Overall I'm doing very well these days.  Work is good, and keeps me very busy during the week. I have some really good friends, although it would be nice to be able to see everyone more.  Of course work and kids don't always allow for that. Still last weekend I had a trip with a one of my groups of friends that was Outstanding and just an amazing amount of fun. I'm still a bit sore from all the exercise.

Now back home, back to day to day life, and focusing what I can and what I must on my Goddess Darla.  Making sure I think of her in all my decisions, growing our connection.  Soon a very important day is coming, and I intend to be ready for it.

Where we are..

It dawned on me today that there is no need to devote so much time and thought about where things are going.  It is best to sometimes just enjoy where they are.

My connection with Goddess Darla is so nice where it is.  We both feel it and acknowledge the pleasure it brings.  By simply thinking about her in my decisions it feels like it's not hard to do right by my Goddess.  Just to follow the blue, to follow her desires for me, allows me to be a good pet to her.  To worship and serve her the way she wants.

So the future will unfold however it does unfold. In the mean time i feel like i am on such a wonderful path. All i need to do is stick to that path and follow the direction of my Goddess.  It feels so good and has been good for me.  I caught up with an old friend I hadn't seen in well over a year and even he could tell how happy I felt and how good I looked...

There is still so much farther to go, but i know it will be a wonderful journey where I simply need to obey my Goddess and be a good pet.

Lost..

So easy to fall into the blue.. to listen to that voice, those words and just fade.  Fade away into a delicious trance. Getting lost in them, lost in her. It feels so good, so right, so amazing.  Never enough I crave more and more.  Wish to please her more and more, so lost.

To walk a hundred miles only to walk a hundred more.  The journey feels so good although the destination is so far.  Always just out of reach... a Goddess can rarely be touched.  So near the impossible to be at her feet, and yet the desire is so strong.  Even just that makes you blessed.

The want to be stronger and better becomes the need to please her.  It is all inspired by her, for her, in order to please her.  Everyday the little things in life one can do for her become the big things.  The things that were big become the small things.  It is all relative, and now it all revolves around her. 

Lost.. and yet found.  Found the center and soul of my universe.  Dark and Deep, and Blue.. Oh so very blue and captivating.  So blue and enthralling.. Deeper and Deeper... Forever and ever..

A poem for Goddess Darla

Oh Goddess Darla, how I desire you.
Your deep blue eyes,
Your arousing smile,
That gleam in your eyes..

Your pale soft skin,
Your delectable toes..
The elegance of your hands,
The sweet tones of your voice,

The way you tease me,
The way you let me please you,
The way you carry yourself,
Your strength, your Beauty, your kindness..

The tone of your voice when..
you command me to do something
when you comment on my adoration of you
when you giggle, amused at my actions.

And most of all when you claim me for yours or remind me of who owns me...

Bliss is Blue, Blue is Bliss...

I've fallen so far and so deep for Goddess Darla.  Everyday she always on my mind.  Thoughts of how to please her.  I look forward to pay day, not to get paid, but to send her tithe.. Every time she refers to me as hers... tells me to take good care of her property... fills me with such joy and happiness...  To be hers... to be prized by her... to do things for her.. to live better because of her.  It's such wonderful bliss...

Aching for her to express her control and power over me.. loving it when she tells me to do something, because then I get to obey her.  Fantasies of ways I could serve her.. dreams of cooking for my Goddess, pampering her in person.. a foot massage, drawing her bath, anything to make her life easier and bring her pleasure.  Her pleasure is my greatest pleasure.

So much more to write, but I so need to go trance.. Been very busy with my new job, not much time to blog or rest.. at least that isn't devoted to Goddess already...