Catch up...

So my infatuation with Madam Violet was quick.  She is a very skilled Hypnotist, but she's just not the domme for me.  It's too much about the money, and I didn't think I would be able to please her.  It would not of been a good thing..

So I looked around... listened to different stuff... Paid attention in my real life.. found my self trying to date, but not being able to date anyone I truely wanted to date. Story of my life.

I found my self late at night often thinking back to Goddess Darla...

Then one night I got a message from her... Not un retiring or anything, just feeling that urge to play with a pet... so nice... so very nice to hear from her... just to know she still thinks of me when thinking of her pets...

<sigh>

Starting to face the truth that even though she's too busy with Vanilla life to have an online presence, I still wish to be hers in whatever form that takes...I've been trancing to her voice a lot lately.. and no one else.  The ache, the desire, the NEED. is real...

Beware the Twitterverse

So I sent off a letter and tribute to Goddess Madam Violet.  It felt good writing it, and I hoped she would appreciate it. I expect to wait some time for a response, but I was surprised when she posted it on twitter.  She liked the the fact I hand wrote it (a scanner is a wonderful piece of technology), it has me feeling good knowing that pleased her. She is apparently very active on twitter which is both nice, and a bit distracting.  It's hard not to check my twitter feed on my phone whenever I think about her at work, which I find is quite often.

I look forward to listening to more and more of her recordings, but I am trying to pace myself. First initiation and now I will slowly work thru the 10 stations of servitude she has laid out. Obedience is the first stage and I am enjoying it... I admit part of me wants to jump to 8, mindless and just be her obedient mindless slave.. but Goddess put them in the order that she decided, and it is always always best to follow the lead of a Goddess.  To find out how she feels about the different aspects of worshiping her and how she ranks them.

Every Goddess is different, and while many of the same qualities are sought after by a Dominant, the distribution and importance is always different. The road ahead looks to be an interesting adventure.  I am excited about what is to come, and I know my patience and mettle as a submissive will be tested.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Updating the past six months..

Lots of pining for Goddess Darla.  To make a long drawn out unexciting story short, her temporary hiatus is more of a permanent hiatus.  While the possibility that she might come back to being a hypnodomme exists, the likely hood it is to happen any time soon is small. I have been released from my service.  She was happy with me, but has decided to focus on her career and doesn't want to own pets online who she can't give the attention she feels they deserve.  It is one of the things in her that made me want to submit to her, and it shall be the thing that sets me free...

So freedom....

Hmmm....

Yeah.. that's about it....

I've been surfing around looking for a Dom, thought about not bothering for a while... I found Domina Shelle, and bought some recordings.. was enjoying her style.  Then tried to schedule a live session.. we bounced back and forth unable to set a time.. her schedule was/is just too hectic.. too many pets too little time?  More like just various time zones and such.. not as much of a connection as I had with Darla.. Goddess Darla.. so I kept looking around.. I wasn't committed I was taking the steps..

Now I've stumbled across Goddess Madam Violet, she's an English Hypnodomme, she also has a real Therapeutic Hypnosis practice, is a bit more established in life.  I've listened to two of her recordings and her talent and skill in taking a submissive man down into deep trance are phenomenal.. I'm interested in serving her, but not sure I'm really what she wants.. I fear she's out of the reach of me financially, and having a large following of submissive will most likely mean little if any attention...

Perhaps that will make it easier.. not expecting much, most likely being told I will receive very little.. Perhaps I should just save my nickels.. then again the allure is so great.. Her skill, her subtle accent which foretells her hypnotic skills.  They are subtle, and yet oh so deadly accurate.  She is no mere young dominant girl, but a full blown Dominant Woman.  She is fully blossomed and very well endowed. Constantly on my mind, I ache to please her already.  The two recordings I've listened to aren't even heavy on the brainwashing.. in fact they are lite.  So I know so much more lies ahead of me.. I should turn back... I shouldn't go forward.. yet I find I can't help it.. I'm already loosing control to her and she hasn't even listen a finger or uttered a syllable, or typed a character directed at me...

What will I do, if she does?

Back to the Blog..

Oh my blog how I have neglected thee.. It's been a hard summer.

Goddess Darla went away.. She had an internship where she would have little free time and next to no privacy and so she decided to take a break from her Hypnodomme life.  It was the responsible thing to do. 

I thought that perhaps this would be the end of my obsession, that without the continual exposure to her I would drift into other things.. perhaps..I admit I even changed my desktop to something else at least for a bit, until.. the need the desire for her would keep creeping back into my mind.. I would go days without thinking of her and then be overwhelmed with need, with want, with desire, ache.. Sometimes needing to spend time on my knees looking up at her picture...

I would e-mail her about things.. about desires occasionally.. I knew she was busy yet if even felt good sending messages I knew would go unanswered.. it didn't matter. I knew she heard me..

Towards the end of her internship she even messaged me once on facebook.. Happy to text with me.. it felt amazing for even the short bit of communication feels so wonderful.. I admit i'm a whore for attention from Mistress.. Goddess.. both words feel as right...

i've finnally come to the conclusion.. no the realization i'll be her pet for until she commands me to leave or forever which ever comes first. it feels so good to know.. to really know and believe this.

She's been busy since the end of her internship.. school taking up her time.. she keeps teasing her pets that soon she'll be back...

Perhaps when?  i dont' know.. it doesn't matter.. i'll be waiting.. i'll be conditioning and trancing often until then.. aching for my Mistress... I can't even remember the last time i let go into an orgasm.. sure i've ejaculated.. but everytime it's something i fight, pretty much ruin.. more of a discharge than anything.. She hasnt' given me permission.. at the same time i know the body has needs.. although i would prefer to be locked up for her.. toyed with, ache for her.. earning a release in her honor, for her, that it self brings me deeper into her control, weaker for her...

to be at her feet... <sigh>

Things are caught up.. I plan to blog more regularly.. more in hopes that Goddess reads this and has mercy on me.. to play with my mind... grant me a session to drive her pet deeper into trance, allow me a chance to please her, to cause her to smile, to grin. to amuse her. i should simply hope for her return to the community, but all i think about is a return to me servicing, amusing, worshiping, her.

Her Eyes...

Fresh tears roll down my cheeks.. so weakened by my Goddess.. her eyes, her soft whispered words.. commands echoing in my brain. Obedience is hard wired now, the rules she gives me are automatic.  I strain to obey.  The feeling of her dark pupils upon me drawing me in deep so fast, so quick, so effortlessly.  The conditioning allows me to fade into her control so quickly to feel the haze of trance upon me to aid in following her commands even if my body naturally wishes not to. The blue haze of feeling drained by her.. weak in her presence, her words drawing power from me to her, my ache and need and desire grows.. the tears roll down my cheeks as my body fights to obey, pushed to limits it must continue until with one word... She is gone. My eyes rest. There no longer yet imprinted upon my brain. I see her thought she is not there. I see her when I close eyes. I need to hear more. I need to see more. I need to be weaker before her. So entranced, so owned, so happy.

Deep unto the blue...

So I realized I hadn't posted much recently.  I've been busy.  Between work, Goddess Darla, airsoft, exercise, cooking at home a lot (and shopping for that raw food), and chores.. well I haven't had much time for the blog.  Still I won't be abandoning it anytime soon.

Things with my Goddess continue to get better.  Her control of me grows, and the effect is only greater.  It can be quite amazing at times and the depth of the connection feels amazing.  At times it becomes impossible not to imagine it being even closer, but all of that is at the whim of the Goddess.  My place is simply to be the best pet I can be and let everything else just come naturally and at her pace.  To simply want something is not always enough, you have to earn things as well.  They feel even better when you know you have earned them.

Overall I'm doing very well these days.  Work is good, and keeps me very busy during the week. I have some really good friends, although it would be nice to be able to see everyone more.  Of course work and kids don't always allow for that. Still last weekend I had a trip with a one of my groups of friends that was Outstanding and just an amazing amount of fun. I'm still a bit sore from all the exercise.

Now back home, back to day to day life, and focusing what I can and what I must on my Goddess Darla.  Making sure I think of her in all my decisions, growing our connection.  Soon a very important day is coming, and I intend to be ready for it.

Where we are..

It dawned on me today that there is no need to devote so much time and thought about where things are going.  It is best to sometimes just enjoy where they are.

My connection with Goddess Darla is so nice where it is.  We both feel it and acknowledge the pleasure it brings.  By simply thinking about her in my decisions it feels like it's not hard to do right by my Goddess.  Just to follow the blue, to follow her desires for me, allows me to be a good pet to her.  To worship and serve her the way she wants.

So the future will unfold however it does unfold. In the mean time i feel like i am on such a wonderful path. All i need to do is stick to that path and follow the direction of my Goddess.  It feels so good and has been good for me.  I caught up with an old friend I hadn't seen in well over a year and even he could tell how happy I felt and how good I looked...

There is still so much farther to go, but i know it will be a wonderful journey where I simply need to obey my Goddess and be a good pet.