I miss her..

I do.. so very much... getting lost in her voice and her eyes... via her videos and her recordings can be magical.. but it can also create such an unquenchable desire... a relentless need that can not be fullfulled...

it leaves me in this blue limbo of need and desire for something I can only very rarely have.. if even then if even that lucky...

<sigh>  yet to ache in and of itself can still feel soooo good.

Perhaps one day I'll find a Goddess in my day to day life and drop to my knees in front of her.. until then my nights are filled with longing for Goddess Darla and her control... her power...

Awake and Ache..

I don't know if I was thinking about her in my dream, or it's just the first thing that popped in my mind, her mind? this morning.. All I could think about is Goddess Darla... serving her.. aching for her..

I was up early enough to trance for a bit before showering and heading off to work.. part of me was afraid of listening to Blue Balls.. as I was already hard from just thinking of her, but I know that when i'm aroused i'm weak and serve her well.. so i listened anyway.. surprised I didn't cry.. although I came close to tears as the frustration built... building... that word has such  a new meaning to me..

I hope She comes back to the online trance community soon.. i so want to just be devoted and committed to her, to make her life better.. So a smile is accross her face more than a frown..

So commonly I fantasize about being her servant.. greeting her from her day with dinner and a foot massage.. taking chores out of her life so she can focus on what she wants, so she can relax when she wants, or work out at the gym.. just making her happy makes me so happy.. the idea of being there for her.. of gettting to be there with her.. <sigh>

So Blue, So Deep...

I've been aching for Goddess Darla a lot lately.. the craving level has gone code blue... <sigh>

Woke up this morning... I could feel the ache.. the need.. I had to watch, You need me... her voice like a drink of water in a desert.. so soothing, so crisp and clear, yet I needed more.. always more... I tranced to raindrops... it helped... I still feel a dull ache in my loins for her... yet I can't bring myself not to ache for her...

i need to be hers so much... so owned... so aching to please her... i spent some time on my knees and it felt right and good... if only i could spend some time on my knees at her feet.. or could do things to please her during the day.. to make her vanilla life easier.. to still treat her as the Goddess she is..

<sigh>

Catch up...

So my infatuation with Madam Violet was quick.  She is a very skilled Hypnotist, but she's just not the domme for me.  It's too much about the money, and I didn't think I would be able to please her.  It would not of been a good thing..

So I looked around... listened to different stuff... Paid attention in my real life.. found my self trying to date, but not being able to date anyone I truely wanted to date. Story of my life.

I found my self late at night often thinking back to Goddess Darla...

Then one night I got a message from her... Not un retiring or anything, just feeling that urge to play with a pet... so nice... so very nice to hear from her... just to know she still thinks of me when thinking of her pets...

<sigh>

Starting to face the truth that even though she's too busy with Vanilla life to have an online presence, I still wish to be hers in whatever form that takes...I've been trancing to her voice a lot lately.. and no one else.  The ache, the desire, the NEED. is real...

Beware the Twitterverse

So I sent off a letter and tribute to Goddess Madam Violet.  It felt good writing it, and I hoped she would appreciate it. I expect to wait some time for a response, but I was surprised when she posted it on twitter.  She liked the the fact I hand wrote it (a scanner is a wonderful piece of technology), it has me feeling good knowing that pleased her. She is apparently very active on twitter which is both nice, and a bit distracting.  It's hard not to check my twitter feed on my phone whenever I think about her at work, which I find is quite often.

I look forward to listening to more and more of her recordings, but I am trying to pace myself. First initiation and now I will slowly work thru the 10 stations of servitude she has laid out. Obedience is the first stage and I am enjoying it... I admit part of me wants to jump to 8, mindless and just be her obedient mindless slave.. but Goddess put them in the order that she decided, and it is always always best to follow the lead of a Goddess.  To find out how she feels about the different aspects of worshiping her and how she ranks them.

Every Goddess is different, and while many of the same qualities are sought after by a Dominant, the distribution and importance is always different. The road ahead looks to be an interesting adventure.  I am excited about what is to come, and I know my patience and mettle as a submissive will be tested.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Updating the past six months..

Lots of pining for Goddess Darla.  To make a long drawn out unexciting story short, her temporary hiatus is more of a permanent hiatus.  While the possibility that she might come back to being a hypnodomme exists, the likely hood it is to happen any time soon is small. I have been released from my service.  She was happy with me, but has decided to focus on her career and doesn't want to own pets online who she can't give the attention she feels they deserve.  It is one of the things in her that made me want to submit to her, and it shall be the thing that sets me free...

So freedom....

Hmmm....

Yeah.. that's about it....

I've been surfing around looking for a Dom, thought about not bothering for a while... I found Domina Shelle, and bought some recordings.. was enjoying her style.  Then tried to schedule a live session.. we bounced back and forth unable to set a time.. her schedule was/is just too hectic.. too many pets too little time?  More like just various time zones and such.. not as much of a connection as I had with Darla.. Goddess Darla.. so I kept looking around.. I wasn't committed I was taking the steps..

Now I've stumbled across Goddess Madam Violet, she's an English Hypnodomme, she also has a real Therapeutic Hypnosis practice, is a bit more established in life.  I've listened to two of her recordings and her talent and skill in taking a submissive man down into deep trance are phenomenal.. I'm interested in serving her, but not sure I'm really what she wants.. I fear she's out of the reach of me financially, and having a large following of submissive will most likely mean little if any attention...

Perhaps that will make it easier.. not expecting much, most likely being told I will receive very little.. Perhaps I should just save my nickels.. then again the allure is so great.. Her skill, her subtle accent which foretells her hypnotic skills.  They are subtle, and yet oh so deadly accurate.  She is no mere young dominant girl, but a full blown Dominant Woman.  She is fully blossomed and very well endowed. Constantly on my mind, I ache to please her already.  The two recordings I've listened to aren't even heavy on the brainwashing.. in fact they are lite.  So I know so much more lies ahead of me.. I should turn back... I shouldn't go forward.. yet I find I can't help it.. I'm already loosing control to her and she hasn't even listen a finger or uttered a syllable, or typed a character directed at me...

What will I do, if she does?