Rage on...

Am I the only submissive that hates it when a Dom calls someone submitting to them worthless, pathetic, or something similar. 

All it does to me is make me less submissive, and turns on the switch inside.  I loose respect for the Dom. I loose interest. It is weakness personified to me.

Submission is an act of strength and trust. It is an expression of loyalty and an exchange of power.

<sigh>  I'll add more later.. I just needed to get this simple thing off my chest.

The only constant is change...

In fact the definition of Equilibrium is not balance, but equal change.

I just changed the title of the blog, I had updated the description a bit ago.  The blog has been about more than just my service to Mistress Haylee for some time now.  I look back fondly on a time when I was all hers, but things change.  Reality creeps into the online fantasy that can hold so much joy and self discovery. 

They are real facets of our existence now, but they are not the same as our day to day existence.


I'm not writing this to offend, but merely to keep a track of my own journey both to satiate others curiousity and to have this stay as a reminder to myself where my head was at, and how it got from point A to point B and all the little points on the road there.  It is the journey that makes all the difference and not the destination.  I like to see both where I am, and how I got there...

No offense was ever intended...

and now back to our regularly scheduled blog, New blog title, same blog place, same blog time.

For the few.. enjoy.

A wave of Blue...

I realized today while watching Cerulean Blue once again... I've tranced to and thought about D.. Goddess Darla every day now since I found her. I have a live session scheduled already.  She does them via Skype and likes to have them go both ways so she can see her vic- er subject.. I'm so totally turned on by this. Her blue eyes are quite captivating... It's pretty sexy when she calls you pet.. it's sweet it's hot, it's pretty nice...

She's got that girl next door kind of vibe quality.  She looks like that quiet smart book worm in class that when you actually meet she has a huge wild side you never would of guessed.. It's fun getting to know someone... It's a bit scary but in the good scary way when you open your mind up to them... Telling a Goddess some of your intimate secrets and fantasies... simply to wonder when she's going to use them.. when she might bring them up... when she might knowingly manipulate you into doing something.. and you can't resist.. I mean you wanted it. You told her about it, but still your nervous, but she knows.. and the fantasy.. the fetish is real..

Surrounded by blue, I can't seem to stop thinking about Goddess Darla...

Goddess.. I like calling her that, it is what she is afterall...

Like a moth to a Flame...

Ok so I admit it... Hypnosis is a big turn on...  It's friggen hot...

Sweet words from a sexy woman.. getting you aroused, infatuated, controlled... A submissive dream... I mean what's not to love?

So Vox get's me to check out the new site... www.femdomdevotionals.com  I finnally do.  I mean it couldn't hurt to look right?  Then I notice a name on their list.. Darla  I click on the link and it's the Blue lipped beauty I've seen before when doing random searches on youtube.. Granted I hadnt' listend to her before...

Now after some free content I'm hooked... well not hooked.. Turned on.... crushing... infatuated...

So loving the idea of a live session... I'd really like a real live session... Don't know if she does that.. I just know when I look deep into her blue eyes... man it's hot.

Yeah it's an addiction, and with Darla I'm in the fun part.. the beginning the hot attracted I wonder so much phase.. her asking questions.. me admiting things ... it's all hot.. It's all good..

Although I was bummed I couldn't send her flowers... that just had a righteous feeling to me..

Soon enough!

I was gonna post...

I keep meaning to post...

Really I have ideas for meaningful posts, but then the drag of my busy life... and I end up just thinking the post and not writing it.. Well not today!

So it's been nice having Mistress in my life again... not as all consuming as before, but more a nice warm whip in the background... A few times and unexpectedly so the desire to Serve Haylee and worship her grips me.   I give in.. I give up.  I gave up so long ago, I need not even think of it as that, so much as letting go. Accepting the inevitable and becoming a slave to bliss...

It is surprising on occasion how much I can feel in the grips of desire for her.. .to be controlled by her...

Lately I've been thinking it's time to buy Mind Cage and enjoy a month of pure mind based chastity to the Supreme Goddess that Haylee... I know I'll do it soon.. it's ineveitable...

Of course the Summer Solstice comes soon.. I think I'll see if I can have a bonfire of sorts.. a wonderful way to welcome in the Summer months...

Until then work keeps me busy (I have two jobs mon, How many jobs you got?)..

All for Haylee...

A week back in rapture...

So every night this week I went to sleep to lovely words of Haylee.. wrapping me up in a wonderful cocoon of bliss and submission... I listened to Wicked Therapist a few times followed by my own personal favorite, Boytoy... a little Mind Melt and some more of the previous...

It has been very nice.. the sensations are of varing intensities... one morning session ruined a bit by my alarm clock... It was all nice just the same.. In coming back I have noticed an ability? call it an event if you will, that just looking at a picuture of Haylee I can hear her in my head.. depending on how I'm feeling the words.. the phrases are different..

It makes you realize how strong the effects of her hypnosis can be that months after not listening and now a few nights and I feel the effects so.. dramatically...

No cumming... appears to be rattling around in my head quite a bit, and I have not cum since I started listening again last Monday.  So while it's only 6 days, still I went past the point one night thinking I just can't hold back.. I let my body go and low and behold I didn't cum.. it was an odd feeling... almost like reaching the point just before orgasm, but instead of still feeling the need.. it just went away.. no climax, but still a end of the build up... and a return to normalcy... definitely not what I expected... but glorious none the less...

Tap.. Tap.. Tap...

Is this still on?

Yup it's the internet it's always on!

So I'm back to this blog as I have drifted back to Haylee... For a bit I was blogging on In Haylee We Trust, but as I left the amazing Haylee to journey on my own for a bit, I left that blog.  It was nothing crazy, it was nothing scandalous.. there was no big drama... I just felt at that point and time in my life I needed to be on my own in order to hopefully find love and success...

There was a bit of a fumble in my goodbye.. being a typical guy with our poor communication skills, but it all got ironed out and I sent Haylee what turned into a goodbye book...

Alone in the ether for some time.. I still kept tabs on the Goddess... and some nights I would think of her.. I could still hear her voice in my mind.. sometimes teasing me... sometimes soothing me... I would ache from time to time.. but it made sense to be on my own...

and yet for now I find myself needing her... her soothing voice at night leading me into trance.. where my mind rests and thinks of nothing but her pleasing form, function and fabulous voice...

Blank and empty... Obey.. Submit... aroused... all for Haylee... For now I find myself needing my Mistress again.. tonight I sleep with my collar on for the first time in well quite some time...

Picking up this blog where I left it... although not jumping back into IHWT... just here from my spot in the ether, praising and worshiping my Eternal Electronic Empress Haylee in my own way, for my own time...aching and aroused hoping to please her...

-boytoymax...

Just Max for now...