I was gonna post...

I keep meaning to post...

Really I have ideas for meaningful posts, but then the drag of my busy life... and I end up just thinking the post and not writing it.. Well not today!

So it's been nice having Mistress in my life again... not as all consuming as before, but more a nice warm whip in the background... A few times and unexpectedly so the desire to Serve Haylee and worship her grips me.   I give in.. I give up.  I gave up so long ago, I need not even think of it as that, so much as letting go. Accepting the inevitable and becoming a slave to bliss...

It is surprising on occasion how much I can feel in the grips of desire for her.. .to be controlled by her...

Lately I've been thinking it's time to buy Mind Cage and enjoy a month of pure mind based chastity to the Supreme Goddess that Haylee... I know I'll do it soon.. it's ineveitable...

Of course the Summer Solstice comes soon.. I think I'll see if I can have a bonfire of sorts.. a wonderful way to welcome in the Summer months...

Until then work keeps me busy (I have two jobs mon, How many jobs you got?)..

All for Haylee...

A week back in rapture...

So every night this week I went to sleep to lovely words of Haylee.. wrapping me up in a wonderful cocoon of bliss and submission... I listened to Wicked Therapist a few times followed by my own personal favorite, Boytoy... a little Mind Melt and some more of the previous...

It has been very nice.. the sensations are of varing intensities... one morning session ruined a bit by my alarm clock... It was all nice just the same.. In coming back I have noticed an ability? call it an event if you will, that just looking at a picuture of Haylee I can hear her in my head.. depending on how I'm feeling the words.. the phrases are different..

It makes you realize how strong the effects of her hypnosis can be that months after not listening and now a few nights and I feel the effects so.. dramatically...

No cumming... appears to be rattling around in my head quite a bit, and I have not cum since I started listening again last Monday.  So while it's only 6 days, still I went past the point one night thinking I just can't hold back.. I let my body go and low and behold I didn't cum.. it was an odd feeling... almost like reaching the point just before orgasm, but instead of still feeling the need.. it just went away.. no climax, but still a end of the build up... and a return to normalcy... definitely not what I expected... but glorious none the less...

Tap.. Tap.. Tap...

Is this still on?

Yup it's the internet it's always on!

So I'm back to this blog as I have drifted back to Haylee... For a bit I was blogging on In Haylee We Trust, but as I left the amazing Haylee to journey on my own for a bit, I left that blog.  It was nothing crazy, it was nothing scandalous.. there was no big drama... I just felt at that point and time in my life I needed to be on my own in order to hopefully find love and success...

There was a bit of a fumble in my goodbye.. being a typical guy with our poor communication skills, but it all got ironed out and I sent Haylee what turned into a goodbye book...

Alone in the ether for some time.. I still kept tabs on the Goddess... and some nights I would think of her.. I could still hear her voice in my mind.. sometimes teasing me... sometimes soothing me... I would ache from time to time.. but it made sense to be on my own...

and yet for now I find myself needing her... her soothing voice at night leading me into trance.. where my mind rests and thinks of nothing but her pleasing form, function and fabulous voice...

Blank and empty... Obey.. Submit... aroused... all for Haylee... For now I find myself needing my Mistress again.. tonight I sleep with my collar on for the first time in well quite some time...

Picking up this blog where I left it... although not jumping back into IHWT... just here from my spot in the ether, praising and worshiping my Eternal Electronic Empress Haylee in my own way, for my own time...aching and aroused hoping to please her...

-boytoymax...

Just Max for now...

The curves and twists abound...

Every journey has it's up and it's downs.  There is the long steep climb to the peak of the mountain.  The long dreary walk thru the nothing with the sun beating down on your brow to get to the oasis.  Each segment different each with purpose.  A lesson to be learned, a joy to behold.  All in all different yet leading to the next portion of the journey of life.

I would of thought by now I'd be back on track.  I wrote the above paragraph a few days ago.  Perhaps it's this second shift stuff.  I feel apart from the world apart from normal life.  Perhaps it's not passing my certification exam, and not getting any interviews for a better job.. I'm working but I want that next job, that challenging job that I love going to.  I want to wake up in the morning and want to go to work like some of my friends. To enjoy what I do to earn a living, instead of it just being a pay check. <sigh>

It doesn't help that I can't seem to find a lady to date.  Haylee is great, but she's not enough.  I wish she would be, but it's a roll she decides not to fill.  She is amazing, but she is not everything.  Then again with her flock growing and growing, how could she be?  It would be impossible.

I often wonder when I find a girl how will she take all this?  Will that in effect end it all?  Will it be this or that?  In a way I think her acceptance of this would be in part an acceptance of me..  Serving Haylee fulfills something inside of me, something that has always been there.  It is that side of me that feels free in submitting to a dominant woman, but not just any dominant woman, one that is deserving...

When I was young I had two friends, twin girls.  We played the games of young children, and I often was the brave knight, or loyal guard to fight for them against whatever obstacle we imagined.  This play in the ages of innocence ended when culture decided boys and girls were too old for such games, but I don't think my heart and soul ever forgot the joy in the play. 

There is more to say, and I will say it... Today tomorrow or the next...

Watch this space...

So after some thinking and poking around the interwebs, I have a new class project.

Podcast for Haylee...

Hmmm maybe that can be the title... Anyway over the next couple weeks I'll be developing a podcast.  It will have topics related to Mistress Haylee and those that follow her.  It's target audience shall be a bit general but I hope it will turn out pretty good.  Looking to do a test season, and then take it from there...


Details to follow as they happen...

Alone in a crowd...

Is it just me or does it feel crowded in here... In here being in the crowd of admiring slaves and devotees of Mistress Haylee.  Don't get me wrong I suppose I, we knew we all were here all along.. but it feels so much more... Real?  When you see all the names, hear all the different voices, see all the different styles of writing... it's a bit different...

The club at night with the music blaring, with the beat pumping...

The cold light of day as the endless crowd leaves a venue of ultimate late night dancing...

To some extent I think, This shouldn't bother me.  There are no facts that have changed... Emotionally it's a toll.  I can't get around the building block of my life that is I'm monogomous... but is that it? Is that the crux of my emotional turmoil? Is that why this is bothering me?  I mean really I think I got over the shaing aspect awhile ago...

I think it's more seeing that some have what I can never have.  What I have no hope or prayer or chance to experience. Yup.  I think that's it...

At least I still have this dark corner, and darker ones still where I can let these demons out and if not defeat them at least give my mind a break from their continuous aggression and intrusion into my world.

to some extent I've been mostly positive in my blog, but sometimes in to every life a little Rain must fall.. With out the bottom there can be no top... HA!  The layers...

Well a drink or two of water and then bed for this tired soul...  who knows what dreams and thoughts may come and visit me in the night...

Neglect.

No I would not say I have been neglecting my duties as Haylee's puppy.  However my upkeep of this blog has seen some neglect.  In part due to blog activity on www.inhayleewetrust.com which I do enjoy.  Being a part of where others are blogging about her, and for her is nice, but at the same time I miss upkeeping this.  I started blogging for her when there were few of us blogging.  I did it for a couple of reasons.  It pleases Haylee.  She enjoys reading about her slaves reactions, thoughts and feelings.  Pleasing her is extremely enjoyable so it seemed like a perfect fit.  I like to write, and so writing about something I was over the moon for seemed fitting.  I thought it would make for a personal record for myself to reflect on from time to time and understand more about how I got to where I am, and where I had been at different points.  Self reflection breeds self awareness. 

So at this point looking at it all I aim to give this blog as much time as I can give to the group blog.  Some things seem more fitting in my mind to go here, while others seem more fitting at the other blog. So I'll use my judgement to put it all where it belongs.

Also I've been extremely busy with work and study for a professional exam I take in one weeks time.  In order to be the best version of my self it's high time I make more of my potential in my career.

All for Haylee.