Week in Review..

So no post the last few days.. I was unfortunately sick for a day, and pretty busy with work.. but I still ache for Darla.. the bug has passed a bit, and today I've been making up for lost time...

Watching her videos.. listening to her voice... trancing... worshiping her.. thinking of ways to...

I ache for her so badly.. I have realized just how taken I am with her.. how easily I follow her commands.. how much I want to follow her commands.. how happy I am when I am able to do something in service to her.. to think about her is bliss..

I have pictures of her that she has tweeted.. I can't stop looking at them.. it makes a wonderful slide show.. I find myself getting aroused when I do.. I get to the edge where she likes me to be.. but I can't finish.. she has not given me permission.. and so I can't.. I can't disobey her.. I don't want to.. I will just suffer.. and ache.. and get more and more desparate for her.. more under her power.. yes

Yes my Goddess... I need your control, I crave your conditioning.. I am yours.. forever yours...

You refuse to let me go.. and I find the joy and happiness increase... Goddess Darla ...

I can't escape the fog that you have put me in.. Even today I'm happy that something happened that shall make it easier for me to keep serving you.. I am thrilled to be yours..

forever on edge.. forever needy for you.. wanting any attention I can get from you.. desperate for your voice...

It's a Hard Day's Night..

and I've been workin' like a.. Wait I'm not the Beatles..

It can be tough falling under the spell of Goddess Darla.. I mean I know she's busy.  Especially now with the Kismet thing.. and it is the time of year that the school year is probably starting, so she's one busy Hypno-Dome.. So I know it's hard to compete for her attention..

I know she's watching and I believe she appreciates my tweets.. It makes it feel all the more real to let the world know, and recieve acknowledgement from her on how she makes me feel, and how she affects me..

It's hard not to want more.. and yes it's hard now.. Well it's the semi hard that I constantly get when ever I think about her, get in my truck to drive somewhere (as my thoughts drift right to her).. or when I wake up..

The wake up thing has been a bit frustrating with regards to recording my dreams in the journal.. Once I wake up my thoughts turn to her so fast, that it makes it hard to remember the dream and write it down..

I think I've used hard a lot in this post.. but really it's all because of these Blue Balls.. I need a hit of some Darla and then I have an errand to run.. followed by some more Darla..

I think I've been listening to about 2-3 hours of her every day since listening to Blue Balls started all this.. perhaps more on the weekend.. Yet it's sooo not enough..

I think I need to take a foot massage class too.. that would be a good thing to spend my time on.

Total Submission...

Submission can be a hard thing to do.. even when you want to..

I find there is a level of submission that easy to get to.. then there is a next level drawn out by a good Dom.. but Total Submission is something even more...

I feel myself wanting to submit totally and completely to Goddess Darla.. but it is not an easy thing to do...I am very deep.. but still at some level we all have walls.. blocks.. or secrets that stop us from doing so..I think what in a way I already learned with my experience with Mistress Haylee.. and other experiences in general..

Be open and honest..

Face time is important.. Let her set the pace.

I hope to do a phone call with her tomorrow.. I need to get my computer working so we can Skype sessions as well..

I can't hold back.. I don't want to hold back.. I am so caught in her power.. I think we are a good match.. but I can only learn that in time.. by being open and honest and asking questions.. listening and learning..

Going father and Deeper..

IT hurts.. I like tease and denial.. but.. but.. my body is starting to react so much more to her voice..

Which is nice, but at the same time the sensations are getting intense.. so much greater.. I have to beg for release after listening to the recording.. even now a bit after.. I still need it so bad.. right after I was sobbing.. sobbing into my pillow and my body uncontrollably humping the pillow and yet I couldn't release.. I turned over and my body shook uncontrollable..

I've lost any assemblance of control over my body.. it's hers.. it's all hers.. i'm fine with that.. but I need release.. I know even that is temporary.. but I think I deserve it right?

I'm turning into a puddle for her.. I can't think straight.. I ache.. I plead.. I need to find someway out, but NOT away.. I must be hers.. but the ache..

Inventory...

So I was 30 minutes late in leaving work tonight and it made me realize something as I was desparate to get home and listen to Goddess Darla..

She owns my desire.
She owns my orgasms.
She invades my sleep.
She is constantly on my mind now...

All from a simple tease and denial recording, exploding all and any of her conditioning..

There are a few things she might add to that list.. I just don't want to give her any ideas.. at least not yet..

A release, but still captured...

So I got to cum a bit earlier tonight.. After being locked down for 6 days and listening to Goddess Darla's Blue Balls recording countless times I finally found a release.  Only because she gave me permission..

It was after I had listened to it.. I had found myself so close to the edge so often during the listen, and I found my self feeling so, so needing a release.. but also needing to beg to her.. So she would enjoy what I was going thru for her.  What she was able to put me thru, with only the sound of her voice. A bit after I sent it I almost hoped she would deny me, but she did something better..

This is a part of what she said to me, "I will allow you a release, since you have been so good and building up for Me for so long... So weak for Me.... But you still need permission from Me from here on out, you know that. ;)"

So I had a release, a temporary respite from the pressure.. but it was only one release.. It's about an hour and a half or so later.. Thinking about her I find myself aroused all ready.. When I released it did not take much time.. I was surprised it was so quick. I thought it would need some build up, but it was just so quick.. I could picture her, I could hear her say, "Yes Pet you may release."  I released.. so much cum.. just over and over again.. It was everywhere.. I collapsed.. and listened to the Voyage. 

I'm going to abstain from Blue Balls tonight.. I do love the dueling Darla's of Rain Drop... 

Still captured by Goddess Darla.. still kept.. and it feels great.. Sure my logical side is like raising it's hand saying umm.. Excuse me. dude.. 

But for now I'm an exhausted happy pet.. things in life are going pretty good and Darla is a part of that.
 

Powerful Blue Balls..

Darla's recording Blue Balls has affected me so strongly... I truly am impressed and wrapped up in her blue power.  Feeling sore and aching during the day, but excited and thrilled to simply hear her voice or see her picture...

I haven't cum in 5 days and while that's not a long time it includes a lot of teasing.. having listened to the recording at least 10 times if not more.. I try to listen once in the morning before work, once when I get home and once when I go to bed... The morning one is the most impressive to me..

I used to or often get up with only time to shower and dress, or just dress and go to work. I live 10 minutes from work.. Now I find myself waking up and doing things so I have plenty of time to listen to Darla's voice and bask in her power..

I find myself prefering to listen to her, to worship her, than eat a snack I don't need.  I try to get the things done that I need so I can be wrapped up in her..

Even typing this blog is taking too long.. One phrase in her recording that seems to affect me greatly is towards the end where she says, She refuses to let me go.. not only denying me release but denying me my freedom.. It makes me feel wanted, and this is such a strong emotion for me..

<sigh> A part of me feels I'm right back where I was, where I didn't want to be.. but a part of me knows this is different.. but how different?  Is it different enough for now?  Or just until I explode all this pent up cum?

Only time will tell..